As my journey through depression continues, I find that no amount of Zoloft or Prozac can actually solve the problem. Sure, it can numb the pain, but like drinking or drugs, it's only a temporary fix. I've also found that depression is actually quite common, which makes it all the more terrifying. Waking up to a bright sun but seeing nothing but darkness is not something one should endure, yet many do. Depression causes feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and sadness. It can keep you in bed for days at a time. It can stop you from eating, going out with friends, or enjoying things you used to.

Perhaps the most hard hitting and worst year for me was my junior year of high school, which ended less than a month ago. It wasn't because of bad grades, drama or the ACT's, but because of how awful the depression had gotten. That year I had missed sixteen days of school, lost twenty pounds in a matter of weeks since I ate nothing, and I did practically nothing as well. Thoughts of suicide and worthlessness were indeed prevalent every single second of every single day. The fact that something so simple as a lack of dopamine in the brain could do such a thing is frightening.

For those you don't suffer from the awful thoughts depression causes, here is an example of such. Here is a common thought process in the morning, as the alarm goes off and school is beaconing for you to act as a lifeless factory robot. The D is the depression, and R is for the rational thoughts.

D: What's the point? Of getting up? Of going to another day filled with the same old routine and the same old people and boring classes?

There is no point.

There's nothing out there for you. What's the point of going if nothing is going to change? You aren't good at anything. Your grades are average. You look terrible. You're boring. You're average. No, less than that. A worthless excuse for a human being.

R: I should at least--

D: Worthless. You cause your parents so much trouble, paying for all those meds. How pathetic.

You'd be better off dead.

R: I have a test today.

D: It doesn't matter. No matter what you'll do bad. That's who you are. An idiot that can't even survive without pills.

You should just kill yourself.

Though you probably can't even do that right.

There is nothing wrong with taking pills to stay functional, nor is there anything wrong with seeing a therapist. It's important to get the help you need. Depression is a monster, except it's far worse than something lurking in the dark. It is the dark. And it can consume you. The trick is to fight it. To want to fight it, which is a difficult task, I know. But it's not impossible.

It may not feel like you have a future. But you do. So keep fighting.