One of the experiences I am most grateful for during my high school career was being a part of the Cross Country (XC) team. That team was like a second family to me for all four years of high school because we grew closer together with every practice, meet, and celebration. We pushed, together, to our limits and then pushed beyond that limit to excel like never before. Times were part of our sport and we would cheer on every teammate in an effort to help them gain their own personal record (PR). However, there was another part to our team's dynamic that pushed each of us to be the best we could possibly be as individuals.
One memory I have about this amazing team of people was during freshman year of high school. It was my first time being on a real competitive team of runners who practiced for hours after school and even during weekends when there was not a meet. Each day after school, our coach would have us line up along the side of our high school and begin doing dynamic stretches to get our blood pumping. Then, it was an activity based on the day of the week.
Mondays and Wednesdays were our speed days where the coach would have us run a mile in the local park in groups to test our speed by timing splits. Now, this may not seem too difficult; however, we would have to run these timed miles at least three or four times in one practice session. Each time would be yelled out as we passed coach and if you fell short of the average time for that group of teammates, then the coach would tell us to move to a slower group. This all may seem absurd and pointless, but there was a valuable lesson to be learned here.
The coach had us run in this particular order and style because he wanted to improve every person's speed, but there was more to it than just that. My coach wanted to teach all of us about the idea of perfection. He always told us that our best was never going to be good enough because that "best" was never achieved at any given moment. Now, this statement of his may seem harsh and you would expect all of the XC team get offended. Yes, we were at first but there was truth to his words.
Remember, this whole experience took place during my freshman year, so I did not understand at the time quite what coach was hinting at. One moment during this experience I remember clear as day is looking around at all the juniors and seniors on our team. They nodded and you could see large amounts of respect shining through their eyes towards this man who had been by their sides through their high school careers. The amazing thing about this moment to me was how our coach gazed at each of those junior and senior runners with such pride that it made me smile.
As the XC season continued after this experience, I kept repeating coach's words in my head about my "best" not being good enough. I pondered what he could mean by such a statement that it drove me insane sometimes. Finally, I decided to ask coach after one of our mid-season races. Initially, I remember feeling fearful of hearing his answer to my question. Was it because he was mean or because I was a slow runner? The answer to both is definitely no. At the time, I honestly had no idea why I felt fear for asking a simple question. Today, I realize the fear was not because of my coach, but because of myself. I know this sounds a little weird, but it is the truth. The fear was doubt I had about my own abilities as a runner, teammate and human being.
I always doubted whether my times during our meets would improve or would I just fall short of my goal. I doubted if there was any passion in me left after a particularly hard race where I came in last for our varsity girls. I still placed well among my competitors, but I was so used to being the fastest girl on our varsity team right behind the captain that I did not expect such a finish. This was wrong of me to think and it caused me to get comfortable in a particular place where I was neither falling behind or improving. I was simply stuck in the middle because I let myself get that way.
Another huge doubt I had about myself, in general, was if I was a valuable teammate. Did I cheer on my teammates the best I could? Did I have good sportsmanship? Was there a way for me to improve the team through my own actions? These thoughts constantly plagued my mind and caused my doubt to grow even further. Other doubts included beating my PR each race and if that was still fast enough to be one of the top runners on my team, as well as, in XC itself. Was I strong enough?
Was my endurance up to par with everyone else? What could possibly go wrong and cause me to make a mistake? As you can see, I had so many fears and doubts that it drove me to a breaking point. I needed answers and I knew my own mind was not going to be any help. So, I went to my coach and asked him why my "best" would never be good enough? You know what he did?
Coach smiled at me and put a hand on my shoulder while I stood before him as a scared young runner with dreams far beyond my wildest thoughts. He asked me about each race and whether or not I was proud of my performance. He asked how I felt about my times constantly improving. I answered both questions with basically the same answer. I was proud of my accomplishments and felt happy every time I saw I broke my PR.
Then, the coach asked me why I thought he pushed us every week with hard practices and long runs that could go on for over two hours. I was honest with him and said I thought he wanted us to improve our times and gain endurance to do well in each XC meet. To this, coach laughed and nodded in agreement, but then stopped me from speaking. He told me how in all the years he had coached runners in the XC sport he always wanted them to perform well. However, he spoke of an important lesson I will carry with me for the rest of my life. He told me this.
"No one will ever achieve perfection because it does not exist. Your best is never going to be good enough because you are constantly improving, learning, growing, and experiencing. Sometimes, it will seem as if you have gained everything you ever wanted, but eventually these things will fade and become nothing in the spoke of time."
I was so surprised and at that moment I was still confused on what he could possibly mean. Eventually, the four years of XC passed by in a blur of fun, races, humor, and memories. However, one thing is for sure. I will never forget those words my coach told me because over the years since that day I learned about myself and finally understand what that crazy old coach meant. He taught me that all those fears and doubts in my head that constantly held me back did just that. Held me back. They were never going to allow me to improve in XC or life, in general, because I would always be fearful of the unknown. I would never be able to allow myself to try new things or go places without hesitancy.
Sometimes, I still wonder if my best is good enough or if there is still improvement to be made. In these moments, coach's words ring in my ears and I remember all the lessons throughout cross-country that have stuck with me up to today. Cross country taught me skills such as working as a team to improve one another and get to the next level. The sport also taught me to never settle in a comfortable mindset because that will get me nowhere. The thrills of each race and running as a whole has taught me to experience everything life has to offer when it is right in front of me because I may never get another chance.
My team taught me how to love people around me for all their flaws no matter what. Every season of cross country taught me something new about the people on my team, but most of all about myself. I learned I am strong and valuable. I have a mind filled with ideas and thoughts that could be used to help the world around me. I learned that I am beautiful no matter what people say because I think so --not them. I learned that no matter the obstacle before me, I will be able to surpass it as long as I believe in myself and my capabilities. There are so many other things I've learned about myself as a person through this amazing experience of being on a cross country team in high school, but the list could go on forever.
Finally, I learned how to accept myself as a person. My teammates will always be a second family to me and I could never ask for anything more. All these people have a special place in my heart. They all have helped influence me as I grew and matured over the years. There will never be another experience like being a part of my cross country team and I am very thankful for that. The lesson from this article I wish to give all of you, my readers, is to believe in yourself. Take everything you've ever experienced (good or bad) and learn from it to grow. I love all my teammates and have the greatest amount of respect for each of them.
Last, but not least. To my high school XC coach, you have inspired me to follow the passion that burns inside of my spirit to continue running and strive to be the best I can possibly be. My best will never be good enough and I understand that now. So, I will push myself past every limit to achieve the next best possible and keep moving forward from there. Thank you for guiding and teaching me.
To my readers,
Your best will never be good enough, but that shouldn't bring you down. Instead, let it drive you further in growing into the beautiful person you are meant to be. You will never know what the next day will bring or even if that day will come. Let each day be lived to the best of your ability and make the most of those moments no matter how big or small they seem. You will be amazing in your life.
