You Mad, Bro?

For the majority of my life (ok so literally 20 and a half years of my 21 years of life), anger was an emotion that I was never able to identify with. That probably stems from my people pleasing personality, glass half full mentality, and I think, at the core, a small belief that being angry is wrong. Maybe when you're angry, that means you can't be happy. And you should always be happy, right?

I use to turn what could have been anger into other emotions such as sadness, disappointment, self deprecation, etc. I always found it a lot easier to blame myself or at least be sad about something so that the situation could at least end amicably in my mind. I felt like when there was anger involved that automatically means negativity was being put on the situation. So slowly and slowly, my anger became repressed. But then, the self hate and the anxiety seemed to grow, and began to replace what might be tinges of fury with a "well time to move on and look on the bright side" disposition. Sometimes, this tossing away of anger can even (umm 100% definitely) cause you to hold on to people or situations that need to be relinquished from your life. In case you haven't caught on, that, my friends, is not healthy.

So here's what I've been trying to do lately. I've been letting things piss me off. If something makes me mad, I try to say it out loud. I've been discovering how much better I feel when I just recognize that I'm mad. I've also noticed that by stating that the situation makes me angry, it gives me a clearer answer as to how I actually feel. This sounds confusing, but basically what I'm trying to say is that if it makes me sad or disappointed, etc. I have found that I feel I have to dwell on it, but with anger, it is immediate, that it requires a release of that emotion so quickly. Sure, I definitely think there are times when there is too much anger, but there can also be too much sadness, maybe even too much happiness, and that's not a taboo. We are chemically built and chemically controlled as human beings. Emotions are chemical, so most of the time we probably can't control them (as much as I have really tried to). We go through life as flawed creatures and so mistakes are inevitable, and I don't know about you, but I've learned a whole heck of a lot from having "too much" of one emotion.

The point being, it's ok to be mad. Scream and yell a little. Cry it out. Punch a wall (but be willing to suffer the consequences), and most importantly, let yourself feel what your mind wants to feel. You'll probably feel great (or maybe not and that's fine too).