Your hands still shake when the thought of him crosses your mind.

You’re walking to class and you hear a laugh that vaguely reminds you of hers, and you feel it sink into you like a rock, heavy and sharp.

You order his favorite flavor of coffee without even realizing it and it tastes so bitter that you feel sick.

She’s posting her happiness all over social media and you ache all over because, for you, it’s another Friday night spent in bed while other people are out and about and get to see her while she’s smiling.

You’re thinking through the last days you spent together and you can’t stop yourself from wondering when it all went to hell. How could she have broken up with you when just a day before she told you that you were more beautiful than the sunset? How could he leave when he promised he’d teach you how to fish that weekend?

Maybe they planned it for weeks, or maybe they woke up in a cold sweat one night with the words already in their mouth. Maybe it was the most difficult thing they’ve ever done, or maybe it was so easy that they wish they’d done it even sooner. Maybe they want you back and just won’t admit it, or maybe they’re already fantasizing about someone very different.

It feels like these possibilities demand all of your attention. To you, they’re so important that they could stop the Earth from spinning if you let them.

But I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t matter.

What I’m saying is, walk away from it.

Don’t get me wrong- it isn’t easy. Leaving will feel like pouring salt on open wounds. For a while, you’ll remember the good times you once had and you won’t be able to hold the tears back. You might slip up a few times and read through old texts. Or you’ll revisit old photos of you kissing or posing in pretty outfits or just being a happy kind of stupid, and your chest will hurt so badly that you have to lie down and nap until you’re numb. All of this is normal. All of this is okay. At first, it’s okay if you don’t know how to heal.

Feel your feelings without restraint. Do this until you’re ready to move on.

But as soon as you even think you’re ready, you have to commit yourself to getting better. Concentrate every fiber of your being on recovering. Put all of the bad feelings to rest, and don’t grieve over them anymore. Set up the grave, set down a few flowers, but leave before you start to cry.

I know how badly it will hurt, and I’m so sorry, but it has to be done. You can’t heal without letting go. When someone makes it clear that they don’t want you anymore, they’re setting you free. They’re freeing you from being in love with someone who doesn’t deserve you. It feels like you’re being boiled alive to be abandoned like that, but they don’t deserve a second chance with your heart if they’re handing it back to you like that.

I promise you, you are worth so much more than your rejection makes you feel. You are worth every word of every sweet song, every star that speckles the night sky. You are strong and lovely and you will rise from the ashes of this defeat like the beautiful, blazing phoenix you are.

Take some advice from your ex and put yourself before anyone else. What makes this different from what they did is that you aren’t hurting anyone, you’re only helping yourself. Fall back into that habit of waking up early on Saturdays just to do laundry. Curl up in your favorite armchair in your favorite coffee shop and re-read your favorite novel. Turn your feelings into art, into poetry, into music. Work out. Go for a walk. Dance around your room just because and when your roommate catches you in the act, ask them if they want to join in.

Don’t expect it to be easy one day or hard the next. It changes like the weather and you’ll have to do your best to roll with the punches as they come. It’s more than okay if you hit a rough patch. You’re not pathetic if you message him late at night before you can stop yourself. You’re not weak if you blurt out to her that you miss her. You’re not a loser if you cry rivers or even oceans while you’re listening to a song that reminds you of them.

Maybe you’re ready to date again. Know that the right person is out there in the universe and they’re waiting for you. They’re somewhere and they’re struggling, or they have struggled with love before, and they’re longing for the day when they’ll get to see your face. Your eyes will meet one day and you’ll see opportunity clearly for the first time. Somewhere in the world, there’s a person who will do anything and everything to make you smile, and you will find them when you need to.

But while your ex still lingers on your mind, remember that they are not worth your love if they told you how much they didn’t want it. Wish them the best, or hate them like hell, or whatever you need - just don’t let them wreck you anymore.

Loving yourself and living well is the sweetest kind of revenge.

Don’t you let anyone drag you through the mud.

Walk away from it.