No human being is the same. Because no one is the same, no way of living is exactly the same. No way of living is the better than all others. Therefore, you should never think you can insult someone’s lifestyle so that they’ll adopt yours. In Vica Gonzalez’s article, “Why I Shame People Who Live Unhealthy Lifestyles”, she writes:

“In my opinion, not living to your fullest potential, or deteriorating yourself, is ugly. Living unhealthy is ugly. And I will shame you for it if you are doing so.
If you are overweight and overeating,
If you are a skeleton with skin and starving yourself,
If you are a smoker,
If you choose to not to work hard and study in school,
If you are an alcoholic and refuse to get any help,
I will not pity you.
I will shame you.
And I will be okay with others shaming you as well.”

Although Gonzalez says that we should never judge people we don’t really know, and we need to push people to better their situations, the language she uses in her article is highly problematic.

Shaming a person for any reason never uplifts them. It only hurts them. It is not an action that can be condoned. Shame is synonymous with the words humiliate; mortify; degrade; chasten; embarrass. Are you going to degrade an alcoholic, a human being with a form of mental illness, into rehab? Are you going to humiliate a struggling student into finishing school? Are you going to mortify someone dealing with an eating disorder into eating a cheeseburger so they can gain weight? It has been proven: hurting people does not motivate them into being healthy. In a 2014 University College London study, it was found that fat shaming does not encourage people to lose weight. In fact, people are more likely to gain weight because of it.

Why do we think our lifestyles are better than all others? Finishing school could be ideal for one person, but school is not for everyone. Shaming people for not following through with your ideal lifestyle is not right. Non-vegans hate it when vegans say they are rotten people. Vegans hate it when non-vegans say they are stealing the animals’ food. Non-Christians hate it when Christians say couples who have sex before marriage will go to hell. Christians hate it when Atheists say the Bible is just historical fiction. Forcing your preferred way of living on someone else will not make them happy. It will not make them change.

Gonzalez’s article focused a lot on overweight and obese persons, a group I wrote about weeks ago in an article titled, “We Should Not Be Afraid To Talk About Obesity.” In it, I expressed my frustration with what we can and cannot say about obesity: “This issue is too urgent for society to be uncomfortable with discussing it with friends and family.” We cannot shame people who are overweight and overeating, but we must follow through with what’s at the core of Gonzalez’s message: “Everyone needs a wake up call once in awhile.” No one should stand there while their friend is on the road to metabolic disease from obesity or lung cancer from smoking. It is important to express your view on their health when it is in danger. Shaming is not the way to do it.

For Darya, introducing delicious vegetables to her father slowly made him interested in eating healthier. She is a “foodist” who has always been outspoken about the dangers of processed food, but she never once shamed her father for eating it. You can get outdoors together with your friend, bring healthy snacks when you are around them, compliment their appearance to boost their self esteem or help them see the good in their body. Shaming introduces negativity into a relationship. Celebrating brings positivity.