People are hard to please, but there are many of us who try so hard to get absolute approval from everyone. It is a constant battle with the self to measure one's own worth by how others view them, but there is a feeling of gratification that comes from their approval. When people like us, that means we fit in, we are wanted, we are valued, and that people care about us. It lessens the worry that people will turn on us because we know that they are satisfied with our actions.
On the outside, everyone admires the people pleaser, but on the inside, that person is always filled with anxiety and overcommitments due to the fact that they want people to stay in their life. They will do anything just to make sure everyone in their life is happy- a rare, but necessary equilibrium that provides the highest comfort to someone with this personality. It can be daunting, but the approval from others is worth it, because no one likes to hear the words of dissatisfaction, especially from someone that we truly care about.
It is easy to get caught up in the act of people pleasing, but I am here to say that there is no reason to try to make everyone in your life happy. There will be times when no matter what you do, someone will have something negative to say about it. What is to be remembered is that for every one person who is not satisfied, there are about five other people who find what you do amazing, and could not imagine life without you.
When we try so hard to please others, we end up losing ourselves; and it is hard to get that person back. Since so much time is spent on adapting to the personality needs of others, people pleasers often find it hard to describe themselves, and are often unsure of who they are. That is because so much of their self definition comes from other people.
It is a dangerous thing to only let others define you. You start and end the day, and your life, with yourself. You are with yourself everywhere you go. That means that you have to be satisfied with the person that you are, and you have to be able to know and be confident in who you are. By letting other people determine your worth, you are giving up all of your power and happiness to that person, and they can manipulate you into whoever they want. Originally, it benefits both people; that person is receiving your goodness, and you are receiving their "gratitude", but eventually their gratitude will come through as greed, and sometimes hostility because they know that they can take advantage of you. If that person can sense that you will always look to them for approval, they will always find something that is wrong with you so that you are constantly having to change who you are to fit who they want you to be.
Not everyone can be pleased, and that is okay. It is important to put others first in some occasions, but you also have to remember that your happiness, and your definition of yourself are just as important.
"If you live for people's acceptance, you'll die from their rejection." -Lecrae
