Yes, You Absolutely Need To Tell Someone You're Trans Before Dating

Yes, You Absolutely Need To Tell Someone You're Trans Before Dating

Honesty is always the best policy.
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Human sexuality is a very strange and complex thing. It’s also very fickle. People can’t help what they’re attracted to, and by that logic, it shouldn’t bother you that someone wouldn’t be attracted to trans.

If you’ve read "No, I Don’t Have To Tell You I’m Trans Before Dating You," then you’ve heard about the tragedy that is Jennifer Laude, a trans woman who was murdered after a man she hooked up with learned she was trans. Basically, she didn’t tell him she was trans before the deed, and when he found out he flipped out.

I’m not going to justify murder. I’m also not going to allow someone to justify sexual assault.

Informed consent means the person being asked for their consent knows exactly what they are consenting to. Even if the trans person isn’t the initiator, they have an obligation to disclose information that could negate the initiator's consent.

Yes, you absolutely do need to tell someone that you are trans before dating them. File that under, "things decent human beings tell each other before they date."

The author, a transgender woman, used a terrible tragedy and terrible people, to make a terrible point: trans people can sexually assault other people because it’s transphobic to not want to sleep with trans people and they don’t have to accommodate your “transphobia” by telling you they’re trans knowing damn well you may not be into sleeping with trans people.

See, I don’t care what you want to do with your genitals as a trans person. If you want to invert your penis and cut off your testicles, by all means, go for it. Call me selfish, but since it doesn’t affect me, I don’t care.

But when you say transgender people don’t need to come out to their partners before entering a romantic relationship, and if I think otherwise then I’M the one with the problem? Well, now it does affect me.

Denying someone the ability to give informed consent is nothing short of sexual assault.

To add insult to injury, we’re all transphobic just if we don’t want to have sex with a trans person?

Also, are we talking post-op or pre-op? You mean to tell me that cis people can’t be upset if ya pull down ya drawers and something you're expecting isn't there? Or something you aren't expecting is? That is absurd.

Everyone is entitled to informed consent. Everyone is entitled to sovereignty over their own bodies. So why is it OK to deny cis people that very same right that allowed you to do what you chose to your body? Evil, privileged, cis people deserve to be treated with human decency, too.

The author’s bold claim that, “demanding trans people come out to potential partners is transphobic,” is absolutely absurd. Trying to explain why that’s wrong is trying to explain why water is wet. Yes, there’s a reason why water is wet, but it’s so basic that it’s somewhat difficult to explain.

In what world is it ever OK to be deceptive in a romantic relationship? You should always tell someone if you’re trans or what your sexuality is.

It’s kinda important to respect others’ sexuality.

Knowingly violating someone's sexuality is disgusting by every standard imaginable.

Let’s take it a step further: if a trans person does not disclose that information before entering a physical relationship, there should be legal consequences. Deceiving another person into sleeping with you is rape. Knowingly violating someone else’s sexuality for your pleasure is wrong.

If you know you possess some quality that might be a deal breaker for a large swath of people, you should 167% tell them before you do anything that might really hurt them.

It’s worth noting that many trans people have spoken up and said disclosure is a must.

Articles like this isolate the trans community. The justification of deception and sexual assault does nothing for the trans community, which is an already marginalized community that is actually subject to experience more sexual assault than their cis counterparts.

I believe the author of "No, I Don't Have To Tell You I'm Trans Before Dating You" owes a lot of people an apology.

She owes the trans community an apology for encouraging deceptive behavior. This article did nothing to promote the acceptance of transsexuality, it only further marginalized trans people by validating fears. Not all trans people want to be shady, selfish, deceptive creeps, you know?

She also owes all the cis people who don't feel comfortable dating a trans person an apology for incorrectly labeling the vast majority of us as "transphobic." You can't force love or acceptance through deception.

She also owes every survivor of sexual assault and apology.

Everyone is entitled to informed consent.

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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10 Things I Threw Out AFTER Freshman Year Of College

Guess half the stuff on your packing list doesn't really matter
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I spent the entire summer before my freshman year of college so WORRIED.

I also spent most of my money that summer on miscellaneous dorm stuff. I packed the car when the time finally came to move in, and spent the drive up excited and confused about what the heck was actually going on.

Freshman year came and went, and as I get ready to go back to school in just a few short weeks (!!), I'm starting to realize there's just a whole bunch of crap I just don't need.

After freshman year, I threw out:

1. Half my wardrobe.

I don't really know what I was thinking of owning 13 sweaters and 25 T-shirts in the first place. I wear the same five T-shirts until I magically find a new one that I probably got for free, and I put on jeans maybe four times. One pair is enough.

2. Half my makeup.

Following in the theme of #1, if I put on makeup, it's the same eyeliner-mascara combination as always. Sometimes I spice it up and add lipstick or eyeshadow.

3. My vacuum.

https://secure.img1-ag.wfcdn.com/im/d5ea3c03/resize-h2000-p1-w2000%5Ecompr-r85/3021/30217778/Express+6+Volt+Cordless+Bagless+Handheld+Vacuum.jpg

One, I basically never did it. Two, if I REALLY needed to vacuum, dorms rent out cleaning supplies.

4. Most of my photos from high school.

I didn't throw them ALL away, but most of them won't be making a return to college. Things change, people change, your friends change. And that's okay.

5. Excess school supplies.

Binders are heavy and I am lazy. I surprisingly didn't lose that many pens, so I don't need the fifty pack anymore. I could probably do without the crayons.

6. Cups/Plates/Bowls/Silverware.

Again, I am lazy. I cannot be bothered to wash dishes that often. I'll stick to water bottles and maybe one coffee cup. Paper plates/bowls can always be bought, and plastic silverware can always be stolen from different places on campus.

7. Books.

I love to read, but I really don't understand why I thought I'd have the time to actually do it. I think I read one book all year, and that's just a maybe.

8. A sewing kit.

I don't even know how to sew.

9. Excessive decorations.

It's nice to make your space feel a little more cozy, but not every inch of the wall needs to be covered.

10. Throw pillows.

At night, these cute little pillows just got tossed to the floor, and they'd sit there for days if I didn't make my bed.

Cover Image Credit: Tumblr

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What It Means To Be Nonbinary, From 5 People For Whom It Is A Reality

The future isn't binary.

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Until college, I had never met anyone who did not identify with the gender they were given at birth. When I met my first friend who was nonbinary, I had a lot of questions.

Not wanting to be disrespectful, I kept a lot of them to myself, but after reflection, I realized that I would rather ask questions and be informed in order to respect my friends.

Recently, when the topic of being nonbinary has come up in conversation, I realized that a lot of people I know ignore it because they are confused by it. I find that completely ignorant. There is no excuse not to respect how your fellow humans identify.

I decided to write this article to spread awareness and help people understand what it means to be nonbinary. I am not nonbinary myself, but I have many friends who identify as nonbinary. It is not a phase or a trend, and they are real people.

When you google "nonbinary," this is what comes up:

Everyone expresses gender differently, so that is why I decided to interview a few of my friends in order to get a full understanding. Gender, just like sexuality, has no right or wrong answer. It is a spectrum.

A few of my friends have taken new names, which means that the name that was assigned to them at birth is now their "dead" name.

(Some of the interviewees are not publicly out, so I am writing under a fake name for them!)**

I hope this has given you a better understanding of what nonbinary is. Just remember to be kind and respectful of one another.

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