Yes, You Absolutely Need To Tell Someone You're Trans Before Dating
Start writing a post
relationships

Yes, You Absolutely Need To Tell Someone You're Trans Before Dating

Honesty is always the best policy.

34237
Yes, You Absolutely Need To Tell Someone You're Trans Before Dating
Wikimedia Commons

Human sexuality is a very strange and complex thing. It's also very fickle. People can't help what they're attracted to, and by that logic, it shouldn't bother you that someone wouldn't be attracted to trans.

If you've read "No, I Don't Have To Tell You I'm Trans Before Dating You," then you've heard about the tragedy that is Jennifer Laude, a trans woman who was murdered after a man she hooked up with learned she was trans. Basically, she didn't tell him she was trans before the deed, and when he found out, he flipped out.

I will not and cannot justify murder.

I'm also not going to allow someone to justify sexual assault.

Informed consent means the person being asked for their consent knows exactly what they are consenting to. Even if the trans person isn't the initiator, they have an obligation to disclose information that could negate the initiator's consent.

Yes, you absolutely do need to tell someone that you are trans before dating them. File that under, "things decent human beings tell each other before they date."

The author, a trans woman, used a terrible tragedy and terrible murderer to make a terrible point: trans people can sexually assault other people because it's transphobic to not want to sleep with trans people and they don't have to accommodate your “transphobia" by telling you they're trans knowing damn well you may not be into sleeping with trans people.

See, I don't care what you want to do with your genitals as a trans person. If you want to invert your penis and remove your testicles, by all means, go for it. Call me selfish, but since it doesn't affect me, I don't care.

But when you say transgender people don't need to come out to their partners before entering a romantic relationship, and if I think otherwise then I'M the one with the problem? Well, now it does affect me.

Denying someone the ability to give informed consent is nothing short of sexual assault.

To add insult to injury, we're all transphobic just if we don't want to have sex with a trans person?

Also, are we talking post-op or pre-op? You mean to tell me that cis people can't be upset if ya pull down your drawers and something you're expecting isn't there? Or something you aren't expecting is? That is absurd.

Everyone is entitled to informed consent. Everyone is entitled to sovereignty over their own bodies. So why is it OK to deny cis people that very same right that allowed you to do what you chose to your body? Evil, privileged, cis people deserve to be treated with human decency, too.

The author's bold claim that “demanding trans people come out to potential partners is transphobic," is absolutely absurd. Trying to explain why that's wrong is trying to explain why water is wet. Yes, there's a reason why water is wet, but it's so basic that it's somewhat difficult to explain.

In what world is it ever OK to be deceptive in a romantic relationship? You should always tell someone if you're trans or what your sexuality is.

It's kinda important to respect others' sexuality.

Knowingly violating someone's sexuality is disgusting by every standard imaginable.

Let's take it a step further: if a trans person does not disclose that information before entering a physical relationship, there should be legal consequences. Deceiving another person into sleeping with you is rape. Knowingly violating someone else's sexuality for your pleasure is wrong.

If you know you possess some quality that might be a deal breaker for a large swath of people, you should 167% tell them before you do anything that might really hurt them.

Anecdotally, I've seen trans people speaking up and saying disclosure is a must.

Articles like this isolate the trans community. The justification of deception and sexual assault does nothing for the trans community, which is an already marginalized community that is actually subject to experience more sexual assault than their cis counterparts.

I believe the author of "No, I Don't Have To Tell You I'm Trans Before Dating You" owes a lot of people an apology.

She owes the trans community an apology for encouraging deceptive behavior. This article did nothing to promote the acceptance of transsexuality, it only further marginalized trans people by validating fears. Not all trans people want to be shady, selfish, deceptive creeps, you know?

She also owes all the cis people who don't feel comfortable dating a trans person an apology for incorrectly labeling the vast majority of us as "transphobic." You can't force love or acceptance through deception.

She also owes every survivor of sexual assault and apology.

Everyone is entitled to informed consent.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

40918
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

25492
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

951012
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

133606
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments