For as long as I can remember I’ve always been the girl with an optimistic, friendly personality. I love meeting new people and experiencing new things too. That being said, I almost never say no to people.
For whatever reason, I struggle refusing an opportunity, even if it’s in my benefit that I say no. I’m a people pleaser.
If you’re like me, life can get exhausting. Always being the person who usually says yes exerts your energy into doing things for the benefit of other people rather than your own. Other people’s needs and priorities take precedence over your own.
No, you’re not a pushover — you still make your own decisions and are still your own person. It’s just that you hate the idea of missing out on something or even hurting someone’s feelings. This can get extremely draining.
“Wanna come to this event that I’m gonna be in tonight?”
“How’s lunch at 12 in the city sound?”
“Can you help me with this quick homework assignment?”
I’ve said yes to these kinds of questions various times over and over again.
Yes, it’s very kind of me to attend that event that my friend was in or accompany someone to lunch or even help someone with a homework assignment that they’re struggling on. But sometime or another, I need to learn to take a step back and embrace the importance of being able to say no.
Did I really need to help that friend with her homework assignment when I was exhausted from a long day of classes? No.
Was it really necessary that I go to lunch in the city at 12 when it would’ve made more sense for me to stay put and eat lunch close by? No.
Was it necessary that I go to that event for my friend? No.
There are others who could’ve helped my friend with her homework, accompanied them to lunch, or attended their event.
It’s good to remember that if those people don’t want your friendship after saying no to them, then they’re not true friends whatsoever. Your true friends will understand if you’ve had a rough day and need some time to unwind and relax.
So my advice is to start saying no more often and start taking time for yourself.
If you have time to do something with your friends, then of course go for it. But only if it makes sense for you. I admit, that I can see why being a people pleaser can be detrimental for your sake.
Constantly thinking about what benefits another person deters you from even being able to think about your own needs or your own well being.
Believe me, you owe it to yourself to put your needs above anyone else's. Be selfish. Say no. And never look back.
