Hello there. Yes, you.
The one who's to-do list is a mile long. The one running from class, to work, to meetings, to study groups, to errands, to tutoring and on and on. The one with five minutes between each commitment with the need to get across town. The one who is constantly shifting around dates and hangouts to squeeze in another project. The one who panics slightly when their phone buzzes because what else could be happening today? The one who has three changes of clothes in their car: one for class; one for that internship meeting; another for work; another for chapter meeting. The one having a mild panic in the bathroom. The one who always says yes. The one who has a sick, twisted inability to say no.
I know what you are going to say. "Yes I can say no! I do it all the time!" Sure we tell ourselves that, but can we really? Think back to how many new commitments you have agreed to in the past month. How many times has someone called you for a favor and you obliged? How many times have you agreed to do that extra credit project when you had a fine enough grade? How many times have you picked up a shift at work or opted to do a project when someone asked for volunteers? How much sleep have you really had this week?
If you can say that you didn't do any of these things and you got plenty of sleep this week, then fair enough. However, chances are you have over-committed yourself and you know it. We all reach that point where we think, even if for a second, that we have too much to do. Whether you want to admit it or not, you know when you have stretched yourself too thin. It is OK to reach your limit, no one is limitless. In fact, it is healthy to know where your limit is.
Many people don't understand why we do this. Hell, we don't even understand why we do this. Therefore, we will not be letting anyone down. Say it out loud with me. "I will not be letting anyone down if I say no." Repeat if necessary. In all honestly, most people relying on you are wondering how you are still surviving anyway. People aren't acting when they step back and stare at you with bewilderment as they utter, "I just don't understand how you do it all." In reality, we don't have to do it all, and that's the hardest part to learn.
Even in school, not everything is important. The extra credit assignment isn't necessary (especially given that you haven't said no to any of the actual assignments). Not every extracurricular activity must be conquered by you. Your resume will be fine, spectacular even. Not everyone needs your help. Your friends are capable adults, too. You cannot save the world. And not every day has to be go, go, go from sun up to sundown.
There really is only so much time in a day. Twenty-four hours to be exact. You have to take time for yourself. Stop putting it off. Don't schedule self-care for the 25th hour of the day. Believe it or not, there is a difference between being involved and stretching yourself too thin. There is also a difference between making the most of the college experience and driving yourself into the ground. Pushing yourself is good but pushing yourself off a cliff of excessive expectations and overzealous commitments is a quick way to kill yourself.
"No" is not an inherently bad word. "No" does not make you a bad person. "No" will not make those around you love or value you any less. "No" is taking charge of your life and your happiness. "No" can be your liberator. It is time to take back "No." It is time to reclaim the idea of self-care. It is time to realize that sometimes, you have to come first. You cannot save the world. You are completely justified in saying "no" to someone. No one will harbor ill will toward you for not joining another committee. No one will judge you for taking a night in to yourself. No one will judge you for skipping that activity and taking a well-needed nap. No one will criticize if you take an hour to go for a walk. No one will care if you read for pleasure or binge watch an entire series on Netflix. Saying "no" opens new doors. New doors that lead to your dreams. New doors to a lighter heart and less stressed mind. New doors to a new, more balanced you.
In the grand scheme of things, your experiences are what make you who you are. But you cannot allow yourself to be lost within your experiences. If you commit to too many things, you can lose yourself in the hustle and bustle of life. You cannot save the world. You cannot take care of everything, but you can take care of yourself. And, if you have any hope of making it through life with joy in your heart and contentment in your mind, you have to learn to say "no."
Please, from one over-committed person to another, take the time to refresh yourself before you burn out. Be proactive, not reactionary. Take the time for yourself. Say it with me, folks:
"No" is not a naughty word.
