I have a confession: I’m incredibly awful at thinking of article topics. Every week, I sit down with my laptop and try to think of a new topic, and every week, I ride the struggle bus to a completely mediocre idea.

And let me tell you, mediocre topics are an art, because it is so difficult to find the balance between a good article (read: time-consuming and research-y) and a bad one (read: An Open Letter To The Girl I Thought Was My Best Friend Until She Stole My Goldfish). But inevitably, I manage to churn out an article every week that straddles the line between trying too hard and not trying at all.

So, if you wish to know my very precise method of writing an article, buckle up and read this instructional piece!

Turn in your previous article at the very last minute

I know, it sounds like I'm starting at the end, but let me explain why this is the crucial first step in my creative process.

By turning in your previous article one minute before the deadline, you create a stressful environment, which is only treatable with extreme laziness. In other words, “I was stressed last night while I was uploading that article, so I better take six days off from writing!”

Take six days off from writing

Sure, it sounds risky, but it’s best to ignore your deadline for six-sevenths of week. Trust me.

Find a time-wasting wormhole

OK, so you’ve wasted a nerve-wracking amount of time, and your next article is due within 24 hours, but you know what, all 11 seasons of "Criminal Minds" are on Netflix, and they’re not going to watch themselves.

So cuddle up with your overheating laptop, and stream yourself into stress-denying oblivion.

Frantically search for a topic

With two hours before your deadline, you know it’s time to get cracking. Grab a snack, try not to cry, and scour the depths of your brain and the Internet for article topics. Remember, at this point, it’s too late to write an in-depth, thought-provoking piece; those require research, thought and time, and if you attempt one with only two hours, you’re going to sound like a rant-y blogger. So instead, focus on an idea that is one step above a Buzzfeed-style listicle and one below Spotlight-style investigative journalism.

Type like carpal tunnel doesn’t exist

Now that you have your topic, you need to write like crazy because you only have a few hours left. So sit down with your laptop, open your word processing program, notice your blinking red battery life, and realize that you wasted all your juice watching "Criminal Minds." Track down your charger and start typing!

Edit-ish

Look, what you’ve written is probably not Pulitzer-worthy, and you should definitely read through your article and fix glaringly obvious errors. That said, you still need to find images and links, so don’t waste your last hour micro-editing every single word.

Upload stressfully

You’ve got your document, you’ve got your images, and you’ve got enough stress to power a small town. But you still need to upload your article. So prepare for spotty Internet and missing links as you upload with just minutes to spare!

Once you finish this process, you should have a pretty OK article written and you should have set yourself up to follow the same method all over again next week!