Losing a loved one is never an easy reality to endure, but it becomes even more difficult of a concept to grasp when you have to face it at such a young age the way I had to when I lost you. You were my superhero, my best friend, and my inspiration, and holding you in such a high regard caused me to forget that you were only human. I wish I had known then the reality of this world and its tendencies to take away whatever it pleases at any given moment. If I had known then what I know now, I would have sat you down and told you all of the things I am about to say to you now.
I appreciate you more than you probably know.
More often than not, I was swimming so deeply in the pool of my own reality that I forgot to bring my head to the surface from time to time and remind you how much you meant to me. I would get irritated if you called me at the wrong times because I assumed there would be so many more phone conversations ahead. I would roll my eyes every time you belted an off-tune version of "Your Man" because I presumed I would hear it a million more times. I played off all your beautiful nuances as annoyances because I became too comfortable with them, and at the time I couldn't comprehend a world in which they did not occur. Now, I would do absolutely anything to hear your voice just one last time, whether through the phone or through the lyrics of country song. I wish I had told you while you were still here how much I appreciated you and all of your tendencies because now that you're gone I'm missing them more than ever.
I am thinking of you always.
Though it's been years since I lost you, not a single day goes by that I don't think of you. Every time something exciting or crazy happens in my life - which seems to be pretty often – you are automatically the first person I want to call. During all monumental moments of my life I take a second to envision your reaction, what you would say and what you would do, and it brings me a sense of comfort to know how proud you would be of all that I have accomplished.
You were, and still are, my inspiration.
I always admired your charm and wit, the way you could befriend an entire room with your sense of humor. Of course, like any other human, you had flaws, but they seemed to me so feeble when compared to the amazing qualities you attained. Your love for me was beyond a capacity I could even grasp, and I could never quite thank you enough for all you did for me. Maybe not everyone saw you for the wonderful person you were the way that I did, but they saw without a doubt how much you loved me, and that is something I will always carry dear to my heart.
To the man who taught me almost everything in my childhood– from how to ride a bike to how to love someone unconditionally– I say thank you. I owe everything to you, and I couldn't ask for a more perfect guardian angel. Though it is a heavy burden on my heart that we were forced to part so soon, I know there will come a time where I will finally be able to see you again and tell you all of the things I should have said. I love you, Dad.
