I expect a lot, and it’s both a blessing and a curse.

On the positive side, I expect a lot because I know who I am- I have a deep appreciation for who I am. There was a time in my life where I wasn’t so sure about myself, where I didn’t even really want to be who I was. I had no self respect and I had no clue what my identity was. Through a lot of soul searching and accepting who I was, I began to fall in love with myself. I utilized my talents in useful and productive ways. Through serving and loving others, through getting my heart broken, and through refusing to settle on anything less than what I wanted, I wrote a love story between me and myself.

A lot of people that don’t know me will probably read that and think that I’m conceited or vain, and that I need to get over myself. That’s fine. I don’t expect anyone to understand, honestly. It’s a difficult concept to grasp, especially when we live in a society that tells us self love is unacceptable. I’ve been through too much to accept that as my living truth and I know a lot of other people in the same boat. What I also know, is that people typically down what they don’t understand.

The truth is, I expect a lot because I know the love I am capable of when I’m fulfilled. When I feel like someone is really giving me 100%. God has given me a keen sense on how to love with every inch of my heart and soul. Truthfully, that’s extremely special to me; my heart. It’s very hard to convey just how deep someone’s love is through a piece of writing, and I’m not going to try.

There had been people in my past, past boyfriends specifically, that didn’t want to rise to the expectations of a young woman who knows what she deserves. I refused to accept anything less than that. They didn’t understand and they didn’t want to do the work. That’s okay. As I get older, I understand that I am not everyone’s ‘dream girl’ or ‘cup of tea.’ I am not easily won over or ‘wooed,’ I can smell BS from a mile away, and frankly, I will not stand for anything other than true, genuine love. And man, you would be surprised how hard that is to find these days. Most people don’t want anything real- they want someone who won’t stand up for themselves. They want someone they can control and keep at bay. They want to go freely as they please, which is absolutely understood, but love is a genuine commitment. Anyone that lets you go around and do as you please does not really care for you, nor themselves.

Love should be freeing in a different way. In a carefree way; if someone loves you they should ease your mind, instill peace in you, knowing that you can trust in their love. That the bond you share is deeper than any threat it may face. Your partner should never make you feel insecure in a relationship. They should treat you like God’s gift to this earth because, well, you really are.

To piggyback off of that, I know the standards I set are because God has shown me the deeper meaning of love. I know what real love is, because God sent Jesus to die on the cross for me. God wants the best for me, not only in my personal success, but success in a relationship. I expect a lot because God is saving something very special, something fulfilling and something that will never make me feel like I am settling. That was His promise to me.

I think maybe all of us have a deeper need for God, and that’s displayed in the way we are sometimes never satisfied. But my deepest wish is to have a partner that is so engulfed in God’s love that they can’t help but pour out their love on me. That’s really what God designed us for.

So, no, I won’t apologize for my high standards, because God has promised to fulfill those needs. And although it’s been hard continuing to not settle, I know God always has more planned for me than I have for myself. I put my trust in that. And if I had a word of advice for all of you, no matter who you are, always hold out for nothing less than everything you want. You are absolutely worth it.