To The Girl Who'd "Rather Raise A Family Than A Feminist Protest Sign"

To The Girl Who'd "Rather Raise A Family Than A Feminist Protest Sign"

It is 2018 and ignorance is no longer bliss.
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To the girl who’d "rather raise a family than a feminist protest sign,"

I have a few questions for you (and concerns).

Let’s just start off with the fact that you are a hypocrite and a condescending one at that. You contend that you are aware of the trials and tribulations that many women before us have experienced in order to solidify our rightful place in society and that you are thankful for their contributions, but in the same breath are quick to patronize these women for taking advantage of their rights and voicing their opinions.



How does that make any sense? It doesn’t.

You’ve also failed to realize that everyone is different. Some women’s passions include pursuing a career and making a name for themselves, while others, including yourself, dream of being a mother and raising a family.

Newsflash: It is 2018. YOU CAN DO EITHER ONE, OR YOU CAN DO BOTH.

If one woman wants to be the CEO of a company and you want to drive your kids to soccer practice, there is absolutely nothing wrong with either one of those scenarios. I know women who are stay-at-home moms, I know women who have a career with no kids, and I know women who have both.

Neither of these women is better than the other. They are all equally amazing and respectable.

It is time women stopped competing over professional and personal aspirations, attempting to prove how one is more validated and significant than the other. You ask other women to “please stop (protesting) because it is insulting to the rest of us girls,” as if either of the situations had ANY correlation.

If you are offended by WOMEN, (which may I remind you that you are one), marching for WOMEN’S rights, and supporting other WOMEN, then your problem isn’t that you’re not a feminist, it’s that you’re ignorant.

You are not ignorant because you want to be a mom. You are not ignorant because you want to bake cookies for your children’s bake sale. And no, you are also not ignorant because you want to care for your husband.

I too, dream of doing these things.

Your ignorance comes to light when you believe that because some women do not share the same dreams as you, that this somehow has any effect on your own life.

Your ignorance comes to light when you complain that these protests and demonstrations make you feel like you HAVE to obtain a position of power.

Your ignorance comes to light when you have such little faith in women as a whole that you think that your choice to be a stay-at-home mother and tend to your family would come as a disappointment to our gender.

Your ignorance comes to light when you fail to realize that modern-day women are capable of assuming both roles and that whether or not they do is a CHOICE, one which you continue to belittle.

And your ignorance comes to light when you try to mask this same ignorance with seemingly supportive and passive aggressive comments such as “you want to do that? you go girl”, as if you have even an ounce of genuine support and appreciation in your body for other women.

“Good for them, standing up for their beliefs and opinions,” you say?

No, GOOD FOR YOU.

Misguided assumptions and incomprehensible lines of reasoning aside, perhaps your largest display of ignorance is showcased when you COMPLETELY fail to understand the very fact that, had it not been for the brave and passionate women before you, the same women who participated in marches such as the one you are so quick to criticize, your ONLY choice, and your ONLY future would be tending to your home and your husband.

At the end of the day, this issue ultimately boils down to respect. When you, and others like yourself, come to acknowledge and respect the myriad of choices available to women to better themselves in today’s world, and come to respect other women in general, then perhaps we will all finally be united.

Until then, you can hide behind your white-picket fence.





Cover Image Credit: Shutterstock

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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When Words Are Not Enough

Sometimes you just need to be.

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Life is a roller-coaster of ups and downs. We all desire easy fruitful lives where no one ever dies and no one ever leaves. Instead, we suffer through hardships and great trials that test our faith. These conflicts often leave us worn down and feeling helpless. This is the time when words become a languid breeze, going through one ear and out the other. This is what you should do when words are not enough to satiate the pain you hold in trembling hands.

Focus all your energy into just being. No one expects you to get over the tragedy that occurred in your life, so don't force yourself. Just eat, breathe, and sleep until you feel up to doing normal tasks. Whatever circumstance that has stolen your breath and turned your life upside down won't go a week in a couple of days or a week. Wounds like yours don't go away instantly; instead, they take time and nurturing. Sometimes it's best to keep a sore covered but in some circumstances, know that seeing someone is okay.

These tragedies you face are real, and they try to break down the very substances that make you who you are. Counselors and therapists can help you make sense of the burden you carry. There are many reasons why you might be hesitant to see a therapist, but if the burden you carry becomes too much, a therapist can help you lighten that load.

Know that what you are going through is real and it is tough, but you will make it out on top. You are a survivor and a success story. Every single bad thing that has tried to tear you down hasn't succeeded, and this will be no different. Trust me, your story is not over.

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