It seems no celebrity is exempt from the wrath of truth these days, no matter how hard they may try to conduct their nefarious deeds under the shadow of privacy and power. Loose lips shink ships, after all. Well, Saturday, another shoe just dropped and this time it saw the fall of one of the most successful companies on Earth, the Wonka Chocolate Company.
William "Willy" Wonka, the beloved chocolatier who founded the world's largest candy manufacturer, was arrested by authorities at his offices in London on multiple charges of first degree homicide. The arrest followed a months long investigation led by Scotland Yard with assistance from the American FBI and INTERPOL.
Law enforcement officers claim Wonka, a native of the United States, lured children into his famed factory with promises of free candy. Once inside, few ever returned. No bodies have yet been recovered but investigators are still searching the extensive campus.
"There's a lot to go over," said the FBI's Francis Watts. "We've drained the chocolate river but are still sifting through its contents at the moment. We have teams combing through the basement furnace as well. That's at least a start."
Sources within Scotland Yard claim the search has uncovered multiple pieces of children's clothing, though neither Watts nor his British counterparts would comment on the rumors at this time. The source claims investigators are operating under the assumption that Wonka kept the clothing as trophies, a practice infamously common among serial killers.
Police believe Wonka's victims may include high profile "milk carton kids", among them Augustus Gloop of Germany, London native Veruca Salt and Americans Mike Teavee and Violet Beauregarde. These missing children appear to only be the beginning, however.
"We didn't expect the living victims," Inspector Robert Bedrosen of Scotland Yard added. "It would appear that Mr. Wonka has been using some kind of forced labor to run his operation. We've got cages and shock collars all over the facility. It's some kind of horror show."
Bedrosen went on to state that prosecutors are expected to add charges of forced labor and false imprisonment to the multiple counts of suspected murder.
Reports circulating outside the factory gates seem to indicate some of the workers are alive but in need of serious medical attention. An onsite anthropologist, Dr. Valentina Rodriques of the University of Edinburgh, believes the survivors could represent the last of their culture, although she hadn't the foggiest idea what culture that is.
Special Agent Watts, who previously consulted on the 1991 Jeffrey Dahmer case, said the Wonka Factory is beyond anything he has ever experienced in his decades as an officer of the law.
"Dahmer only had a freezer in an apartment," Watts continued. "But this... this is a whole factory, the size of a college campus. We know there's evidence in here. I just don't know if I want to be the one that finds it."
"The only episode even close to this one," crime historian Aldo Brautmeiler commented in a phone interview, "Would be the infamous Chicago 'Murder Castle' operated by the doctor turned America's first serial killer, H.H. Holmes around the turn of the century. Although, I fear we may be looking at something far worse than even that."
Wonka's arrest marks the abrupt end of the wildly successful Wonka Company, whose "Wonka Bars" are a worldwide favorite. Earlier rumblings pointed to the possibility that Wonka's products may be purchased by the Hershey Company or Pepsi Cola Co. but both companies have since dispelled those rumors.
"We don't even want to think about what's in that chocolate," Hershey's PR department tweeted early Sunday afternoon. It would be retweeted by Pepsi and Coca Cola as well as Mars.
With no suitors in sight, it seems this is the climactic end to the once prosperous candy empire. Wonka's days of chocolate making have come to a final end, as has his reign of terror.
