It is a rite of passage. The first kid graduating high school, leaving home when he heads out for college, the first to get their own place — leaving the other siblings to argue who gets his room (naturally his was the biggest next to the guardian's) and furthermore care for the parents who are in disbelief that one day this will be all of their children leaving and thus creating the empty nest syndrome. But something siblings never pay much attention to, rightfully so, is the fact that we have to accept distance.
With distance comes missing, and missing is your heart's way of reminding you that you love someone- a test of how far love can travel. Perhaps it is rooted in the idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it is a simple yet powerful statement that demonstrates how family knows no boundaries. When my brother left, it was not just his presence that was gone for he took a piece of each of my other five family members with him. Although we would like to believe otherwise, it is one of those things that have to happen in life, and with time, we come to appreciate.
I am one of three siblings, the middle child, but oldest daughter by a year and eight months. I am currently 21 years old and my other siblings, aside from one, are relatively close in age. There is only one gap between my younger sister and brother, but in respect to the way we were raised, we grew up with the sense to protect our siblings and look out for their well-being. It was ingrained particularly in both my elder brother and myself to advocate as we were held on a higher pedestal in terms of accounting for the others when our parents were out. When we were younger we were exceptionally close to one another, and maybe this was because we were forced into participating in Easter egg scavenger hunts, going out trick-or-treating, those obligatory Picture People shoots and matching attires, however, as we got older we became grumpy teenagers and drifted our own ways.
There was even a point where we were all in different school levels, and therefore, had our own lives and newer friends. Although change was upon us, three distinct aspects remained the same: 1. My brother was always around and there if I needed him 2. He was good for pinning me down in the dirt ground if he thought I was winning the basketball games we would play (although looking back I cheated in those anyways because I had nails and could attack so I guess he was smarter than I thought) and 3. If he ever saw me upset or sad at something he knew exactly what to say or do to get me smiling and laughing once again.
Though some actions, like him mooning me occasion after occasion on our trampoline stating "looks like there's a full MOON tonight," never stuck with me. He knew all about me, and yet still loved me. I know he would never admit it regardless of the number of cards and writing I gave him for his birthday or just out of pure happiness I got by doing it, but I know deep down his heart is in the right place. I did not primarily think so during the times he chose to play around and say "hit me as hard as you can" and have me jump into him...only for him to later move away and have my face and body smash into the wall behind him... but I by no means ever thought what it would be like without him around as often.
As mentioned with aging, we separated a bit. He went off to high school and I was just the silly "younger sister" according to his friends. When it came time for me to join him in his senior year of high school and my freshmen year we reconnected. I am not entirely sure of how it happened though I am ever so grateful for it. Was it the fact that it became my job to wake him up ten seconds before this regular bump we hit every day on the school bus so he did not hit his head (he was always sleeping)? Or was it when he got a car and we would share our major rock sessions and power drinks at 7:30 a.m. to wake us up?
When the months went on I was introduced to "lifting weights" and working out- something foreign to me as dancing was my specialty as well as my workout. He taught me how to start small and gradually work my way up and through this taught sub-lessons that went outside any warm up. I had my brother back, and a new gym coach at that! With having him near like a second hand, my world was flipped when he went away to college.
I anticipated that when he went off to university it would feel weird not having him around and I was right, it certainly takes some adjusting to. For starters just getting accustomed to actually having food left in the refrigerator, not hearing obnoxious screams at his television playing video games at the late hours, and especially not seeing this 6'1 human machine walking around were noticeable differences. Who would make those 2 a.m. runs to Taco Bell with me now? I'm still in shock at the number of times we went (and survived!)
Having other siblings I was never bored or lonely, but I did miss his presence. He is not the greatest "texter" either so that brought its own issues, but until this day he would never purposely end a call for me no matter what the clock hour alleged. For me, my brother's departure for college meant that I suddenly had to figure things out on my own. I was now the oldest sibling in the house and with this came more responsibility- along with more blame. In the end, this allowed me to develop a better sense of myself and to make decisions independently, without the input—and interference—of my siblings. But with myself now in college, I at least had the comfort of realizing he would still be at home even when I came back myself for breaks or holidays.
The second curve came when he bought his own place and officially moved out.
In this case, I never feel bad about showing him what I am feeling. If I miss him, I text him or call him. With it no longer being a two-second walk across the hallway to see his face I gained value in freeing my schedule to catch up with him or actually hear him out. I am not the firsthand source which means I have to communicate with a different approach.
Conversely, distance means so little when someone means so much. It is not ridiculous to tell him often how I miss him at home, or how I wish he was around more because although his feet may have left, his heart will always be. It was something structured years ago that it will steadily alter into another custom again. If there are some words of advice to distribute to anyone else suffering this, always remember that even if he is not living in the same house with you, he will always be there for you just as much as he once was. Let him know you would like to see him, and visit his new place.
Believe me, even if it does not seem that way, it is hard on him too. This took me some patience, but it is normal. Seeing him then becomes a special thing. I look forward to whenever he is attending social outings or dropping by to see the family. Let's be real — nobody wants to do a #tbt with the people they live with five feet away from. You might as well capture the memories in events you do get to share, usually a wedding or birthday, and take a picture (or hundreds if you are like me) of it. After all, the heart and mind are the true lenses of the camera.
