I’m not sure if I have heard a more cliché saying than “go find yourself.” I see articles everyday on numerous sites with advice for ways people can “find” themselves. It’s a weird concept that we as people need to do things in order to “find” ourselves, as if we are all just lost floating around. The funny thing about clichés, however, is that they are often true. Due to the fact that I am a big believer in change, I don’t think we ever really “find” ourselves, but I believe there are certain moments that allow us to get more in touch with who we really are and what we really want out of life.
College is a difficult time to know what you want. Every day there seems to be countless things begging for your attention, telling you “this is what you really want.” It’s an environment where we all just want it all. Everyone seems to get caught in this flux. I know that I certainly at one point felt swallowed whole by the college experience, so naturally for about three weeks last year I locked myself up in my dorm room and watched Netflix non-stop (I’m talking did not go to class, did not go to meetings, did not go anywhere kind of non-stop). Then one day I looked at my situation and thought, “Wow, this is both sad and scary.“ It had gotten to a point where I could not even joke about it. So, instead of just putting my life back together like a normal person would, I decided it was time to make myself do something that “Netflix Zombie” me would never do.
Paris was the decision I made on a whim. Signing up to study abroad the summer after freshman year was never part of my college plan. To me, studying abroad was something people did their junior or senior year of college when their life was a bit more put together. However, I felt incredibly trapped. I had this odd urge to take a risk (something bigger than deciding to watch yet another episode of "One Tree Hill" at 3 AM). I decided what I needed was a change of setting. The next thing I knew I had signed up for the LSU in Paris Summer 2014 program.
It’s important for me to stress that I was terrified to spend the summer in Paris. The closer the departure day got, the more I felt the urge to drop the program. My heart was racing for the entire plane ride and I spent the first day in Paris convincing myself I made a huge mistake (my roommate literally first met me locked in the bathroom crying). It was a rough start, but after a few days I felt both excited by all the new sights around me yet strangely at home at the same time. It’s hard to describe the feeling Paris gave me, but it’s a feeling I try to carry with me every day.
With full confidence I can say that studying abroad for five weeks this past summer was the best experience of my life so far. Allowing myself to be away from my daily routine in Baton Rouge was the best thing I ever did for myself. I spent my time in Paris getting to know people from all walks of life, but also getting to know myself. I went to Paris not knowing a single person, and I came back with people in my life I consider life-long friends, a group of foreign friends I still communicate with, a laundry list of hilariously awkward stories, and the memories of moments that felt a lot like what I imagine magic to feel like.
I think Dorothy got it wrong when she said, “There’s no place like home.” To me, there will never be a place like Paris this past summer. Even when I do go back, I know it will never be the same, which sounds depressing, but at the same time I cannot imagine that I would be the person I am today without that experience.
For anyone who feels like they are missing something in life, I beg you to study abroad. A new city will both challenge and change you as a person. You will come back a stronger, gutsier, just overall better version of yourself. Even though I am back in Baton Rouge I still feel I have that sense of myself I found in Paris. Maybe it is cliché, but maybe it’s also true that sometimes you really can only find yourself halfway across the world.
