Why You Should Stop Wanting An Undateable Person

Why You Should Stop Wanting An Undateable Person

Stop the cycle that could swallow you up.
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We’ve all had at least one time where we’ve wanted that person. Whether you’re on the wanting side or the “undateable” side of this problem, this information may be of some value to you.

In my opinion, an undateable person is someone who doesn’t want a legitimate relationship, but still possesses the basic human quality of developing feelings for someone. Overall, this predicament can end up in one of three possible ways. These endings can occur chronologically or simultaneously. Wanting the undateable subject can end in: frustration, disappointment or contagion.

1. frustration [frəˈstrāSH(ə)n]. noun.

The feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of inability to change or achieve something.

Say there’s two people at a smoothie shop. Customer One orders a strawberry smoothie, and Customer Two orders a banana smoothie. The smoothie shop employee brings out two strawberry smoothies. In the end, only Customer One is happy. Customer Two might take the strawberry smoothie reluctantly, but Customer Two will never be as happy as Customer One is about their smoothie. If you don’t get what you wanted in the first place, essentially, you won’t be happy in the long run.

Moral of the story: Make sure you find someone who wants the same smoothie as you. There will be less frustration.

2. disappointment [ˌdisəˈpointmənt]. noun.

The feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.

To elaborate, wanting the undateable person usually ends up in disappointment. If you get involved with an undateable person, this disappointment could be crushing for a little while. You, as the wanter, will start to assume that they want the same thing as you, and we all know what it means to assume… it makes an ass out of “u” and me. You’ll think things are going well and in your favor, and you’ll reason to yourself that the undateable wants the same things as you. Disappointment will occur when the truth of the predicament arises, and that inevitable truth is that the undateable does not want a relationship, which will leave you in disappointment.

3. contagion [kənˈtājən]. noun.

The communication of disease from one person to another by close contact.

By contagion, I mean that once you’ve experienced either disappointment or frustration because of wanting an undateable, you tend to guard yourself from the possibility of those problems. After guarding yourself for a while, someone new might come along, and you won’t want to risk being disappointed or frustrated again, and so it leaves you to turn into the undateable. "Contagion" is you becoming exactly the thing that hurt you in the first place.

To conclude, this is a vicious cycle of undateableness, and it can affect you and the way you approach relationships for a long time. For those wanters of undateables, I’d advise you to hesitate more before you tread into that territory, before you throw your cares into the wind. If you’re an undateable, I encourage you to be honest at all times, and to commit and love only when you’re truly ready.

Cover Image Credit: pinterest

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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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Johann Hari's "Lost Connections" Revolutionizes The Discussion Around Depression

"You need your nausea. You need your pain. It is a message, and we must listen to that message."

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"You need your nausea. You need your pain. It is a message, and we must listen to that message."

In this quote, Johann Hari revolutionized my view of depression.

In my circles, we're often told that depression is the result of a biochemical imbalance of serotonin, that we're depressed because there's something wrong with our brains, and something wrong with us.

Lost ConnectionsLost Connections is a book that delves deeply into dismantling the belief of depression as solely a neuroscience or purely psychological phenomenon, something that can only be fixed using SSRIs and antidepressants. No, it is much more than that. The subtitle for the book is "uncovering the real causes of depression -- and the unexpected solutions." Hari talks a lot about the biopsychosocial model, the approach that combines biological, psychological, and social factors into a person's mental and physical health. He gives anecdotal experiences of his experiences as a journalist walking with people suffering from depression.

Critics of Hari say that the book oversells himself, that it gives the message that it's a "totally new take on depression," and those critiques are valid. But Hari, in Lost Connections, is speaking of his own perspectives, experiences, and personal Odyssey. This is the story of one person dismantling his the false beliefs that harmed him and didn't work for him, and we should read the book based on his personal testimony and experiences. Hari himself suffered depression since he was a kid, and started taking antidepressants as a teenager. "He was told that his problems were caused by a chemical imbalance in his brain..and he learned that almost everything we have been told about depression is wrong."

I've written at length about Hari's work, an article in The Guardian that sent the clear and validating message I needed to hear at the time: depression isn't a sign that you're crazy. It's not a sign that something's wrong with you. It's a sign that your needs aren't being met, and you need to find ways to fulfill those needs.

That solution, in Lost Connections, is, unsurprisingly, connection. The causes of depression are a lack of depression, and Hari has. identified nine leading causes of depression. These include disconnection from meaning work, disconnection with meaningful values, disconnection from other people, and disconnection from meaningful trauma.

Reading this book, I will admit that I, as a reader, was tempted to think "no shit, Johann, everyone knows this from experience," but Hari's exploration into his personal anecdotes and experiences with both communities and experts convinced me to clap in applause at his excellent reporting and journalistic efforts. He ventures from a bike shop in Baltimore to an Amish community in Indiana to an uprising in a housing project in Berlin, and has helped transform our narrative and debate around addiction in necessary and compelling ways.

The language of big pharma and psychopharmacology have a monopoly over our discussion of mental illness, addiction, and depression. The message that our pain is unnatural, that it's crazy is a harmful and extremely damaging message to hold. Yes, antidepressants work for people. They save lives, but in no world should we act like they're the only solution. As Hari notes, "We need to stop trying to muffle or silence or pathologize that pain. Instead, we need to listen to it, and honor it." We need to listen to our pain so we can see the sources of where it comes from, and embark on the hard path to overcome it.

The more attention Lost Connections and the work of Johann Hari gets, the more I believe the world will be a better place. That isn't to say that Hari is right all the time, but that we will start having the discussions necessary to creating a more healthy and just society.

Hari echoes an important message I have found in my relationship with God and my faith: it is not wrong to suffer. It is not unnatural to suffer. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and his work has led me to be grateful and learn lessons from the ways profound suffering has impacted my life. I believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ, and I believe that life is 10 percent about what happens, and 90 percent about how we react to it. The transfiguration of our suffering and lament into hope and joy is our personal resurrections, and that is a message that Hari has captured in Lost Connections.

During my three Easter Services that I attended, I came away with a lot of thoughts, but I came away predominantly with the internal conflict that I need to let something in my life I'm holding onto die, as Jesus Christ did on Good Friday. And I also came away with the message that I need to let something in my life resurrect, as Jesus did on Easter Sunday.

I will be lying if I said I have definitive answers to those soul-searching questions. But one thing is for damn sure: I have to let these discussions and the pursuit to love kindness and seek justice, as Micah 6:8 urges us, to go on. Hari has aided me substantially in those missions, and I believe Lost Connections will lead you into the necessary soul-searching for your life questions, too.

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