Why You Should Date the Boy Who Treats You Like Crap

Why You Should Date the Boy Who Treats You Like Crap

Yes, you read that right. Yes, I mean it.
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I’m not kidding, either.

You’ve got to date the guy who hurts you. I know we all see these articles floating around of the perfect boyfriend, the one who treats you like a princess, never hurts you, wants to spend all of his time with you, and makes you feel on top of the word. And those articles are great – we all need a little love and positivity. But, in the words of Maroon 5, “it’s not always rainbows and butterflies.” Life is hard, things get rough, and people will hurt you. So I’m going to be the brutally honest friend who isn’t going to give you advice you want, but the advice you need. And my advice to you is, you’ve got to date the guy who hurts you.

We’re all going to stumble across that guy one day. The one who we want to give the whole world to, while he doesn’t know if he sees us in his future two days down the road. You’re going to find that guy, get to know him, date him, and fall for him hard. And you need to.

Date the guy who doesn’t text you back. The one who leaves you on “read” and is always on social media so you know he has his phone on him. After all, you’ve watched all of his Snapchat stories, right? Date him anyway. You’ll spend most of your time wracking your brain about what he might be doing that is more important than talking to you, but usually the answer is simple: it’s because he just doesn’t want to talk to you.

Date the guy who is going to make plans with you and then blow you off at the last minute. He’ll come up with some lame excuse as to why the two of you all of a sudden can’t hang out, and of course you’ll reassure him it’s okay and you aren’t angry. And that’s what he wants. He thrives on the fact that he knows he can treat you like you don’t matter, yet you’ll still forgive him and come running back.

Date the guy who is going to see other girls behind your back. Whether or not you two are actually dating or “talking” or whatever, your veins will feel like acid, your head will spin, and you’ll feel your heart crack when you see him with another girl.

Date the guy who is going to belittle you. The one who will make you feel disposable. Assure your friends and family he isn’t as bad as he seems, that he’s just busy and you totally understand why he can never make plans with you. Date the guy who doesn’t ask about your day, your family, how you’re feeling, or anything else that matters to you that you so desperately want to know about him. Date the guy who is going to treat you like a chapter out of a book while you want the whole novel from him.

You’ll tell yourself that maybe, if you’re lucky, you’ll somehow change him. Believe in that with all you have. Sometimes that little glimmer of hope and possibility is all that will get you through his next lie or cancelled plan or the image of the girl he was dancing with at the party. But just know that you can’t change him. It’s nice to think that he can change because you love him so much and believe in him so much, but it isn’t realistic and it doesn’t happen. I don’t know about anyone else, but if I wanted to change, it wouldn’t be for some potential love interest. It would be for myself, because I thought I owed it to myself and everyone else to be a better person. I would change because I wanted to, because I saw a problem with the way I was living my life and treating others. But the guy who hurts you isn’t going to change for you. Why would he? He doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong. He knows you keep coming back to him despite everything. He’ll think that if there was something really wrong with how he was treating you, you wouldn’t stay.

But you should stay with him. Let the mere thought of him consume you until you can’t think or see past the thought of him, and the future is bleak and gray and all wrong if he isn’t there. Love him in spite of everything. Defend him. Swear he’s “the one.” Love him, love him, love him.

But then one day, he’ll do something you can’t look past. It could be the last straw with the countless girls he sees that aren’t you. It could be the final ignored text, missed call, cancelled date. Whatever. But it will be something you won’t be able to ignore. It will hurt you, the thought of him abruptly not being a part of your life that you’d become so accustomed to despite the reckless way he treated you. It’s going to destroy you, absolutely break your heart. You won’t know what to do, because all you’ve known and lived and breathed is him. He’s the beginning and the middle and the end of your novel; the plot and the climax and the conclusion and somehow none of that matters anymore, because you can’t look past the possibility of him being gone, and all of a sudden the novel that is your life is tear-stained and worn and destroyed and pages are ripped out and it will all seem meaningless.

Let it hurt you. Let the pain consume you. Cry about it. Cry a lot. Watch sappy love movies that aren’t going to make you feel better but you still think you need. Eat a tub of ice cream and call your mom sobbing because you saw him today with a new girl and you could barely make it home without tearing at the seams holding you together. Swear you’ll never be happy again.

But then you will heal. It won’t happen overnight, but the hours turn into days and the days turn into weeks and before you know it months have gone by and you’ll notice that you haven’t cried as much and that seeing him doesn’t make you want to collapse in pain.

And then you’ll find the guy who doesn’t hurt you. You’ll meet the guy who asks about your family and goes out of his way to make plans with you. And you’ll be hesitant, because you know you can’t survive what you went through again. But the guy who cares about you is going to listen when you need to talk, be there when you need to cry, bring you ice cream when you’re having a bad day and insist you two watch the stupid love story you know he doesn’t really want to see. But it will mean the world to you.

And then you’ll realize how you deserved to be treated all along.

When you date the guy who hurts you and the cycle comes to an end, you know what you want and what you don’t want. And you won’t settle, because you know how badly you were hurt before and now you know you deserve better. Your standards will be high because you know you deserve nothing less. And you’ll appreciate the guy who really cares, who really makes an effort so much more. No guy is going to be perfect, but date the guy who knows that and admits that and apologizes and makes it up to you when he hurts you. Date the guy who knows he isn’t perfect, and who knows you aren’t either, but still stays and makes things work because together, you two are pretty close to perfect.

Date the guy who hurts you. Because once you do, you’ll see what you really deserve. And you’ll never look back.

Cover Image Credit: Favim.com

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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The 7 Stages Of A Breakup, As Told By Netflix's 'Someone Great'

Alexa play "Truth Hurts" by Lizzo, and max volume, please.

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We all know how it feels to get your heart broken by a guy. Whether it be in your teens or in your 30s, everyone experiences it, or already has. After watching the movie “Someone Great" on Netflix, it hit me deep in my feels. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out. It made me realize all of the stages of going through a rough breakup, and I could not relate to a movie more.

1. When you first breakup and will cry about it to just about anyone

We all know that we do this almost immediately after a break-up. You are just trying to get out of the house so you go to the store, something reminds you of our ex, and next thing you know, you're talking the stranger's ear off in the grocery store for the next 2 hours.

2. When your friends call you and you say you're fine but you really haven't moved from your couch in two days and all you have done is eat two gallons of ice cream and watch "The Notebook" on repeat

"Just come do something with us, or let us come there."

"Nah, I'm okay, I actually have a super busy day today."

Yeah, if you mean busy as in binge-watching every episode of "Pretty Little Liars," then yeah, count me out of all plans so I can rewatch every episode for the next 3 weeks. We all know that feeling of not wanting to move out of bed for as long as you can after a break-up.

3. When that ONE song comes on at the mall, and you suddenly realize it was "your" song

This one hits differently. You're literally just minding your own business, trying to treat yourself to a little bit of a wardrobe change because of how sad you have been all week and BAM, it hits you like a train. Next thing you know you're crying in the dressing room of Forever 21 wondering where it all went wrong.

4. Finally caving in and hanging with your friends, realizing that this is what you needed all along

You never want to leave your bed after a breakup, you seem to cancel or bail out on every plan you try to make, then finally, after you have run out of tears, you actually follow through with a girl's night, and then you suddenly realize that all along, just time spent with the gals is what you needed. Trust me, been there, done that. In most cases, a dance party is also well needed.

5. The morning after your girl’s night, you realize that having these gals is better than the boy 

Having your girls there for you in such a tough time actually helps so much. It helps save the tears, the constant replaying of memories in your head, and saves you the time you could be wasting if you're sinking into a deep sadness over something so dumb. That support system is vital for post-breakup, and even I know that.

6. You let him go one last time

Whether it be writing a letter, throwing away all your old memories with him, or by finally getting all your clothes back from his place that have piled up over the past few months or years. It is a truly bittersweet feeling and might even hurt a little, but it's time. You're going to thrive without him.

7. You truly know how much better you’re doing without him

You have reached the point of no return. You’re finally thriving without him. You’re never going back, and you know how much potential your life has and how much better you are without him. Your heart is whole again.

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