If you take a long look at the girl sitting next you in your biology class, or maybe the guy sitting two desks over in your office, do you think you could tell if they were suffering from depression? It's possible. It could be that they show explicit signs of distress by cutting themselves, crying in public or manufacturing outrage at the slightest provocation. The thing is, it isn't always that easy. Depression manifests itself in different ways for different people. It's hard to notice, and oftentimes the bigger issue stems from the fact that people don't show any signals that they're unhappy and nobody else is looking for warning signs.

I know, I've been there. I know what it's like to not get out of bed for days on end because you can't find a reason to. Apathy sets in. You feel like you have clay hardening behind your eyes. Sleep becomes a relief, not from exhaustion, but because you hate waking up and remembering what your life looks like. It drains you, and like I said, it's different for everyone. Like a gunshot, you might think you've just been slapped really hard until you look down and realize that you're bleeding. For me, it was a slow and steady pressure. That weight increased mechanically on a daily basis that I never noticed until I woke up one morning and couldn't breathe.

And I hate sharing that. Why? Because I've had everything. I've got a roof over my head, I've got plenty of food, I've got an amazing family, lots of friends and a fantastic network of people that I can share things with. Negativity stopped seeping into my mind and slowly just took over. Anytime I acknowledged it, I felt ungrateful. What good reason could I possibly have to be unhappy? It didn't matter. I couldn't shake it. I skipped classes, I avoided friends. I'd opt for staying inside and staring at the ceiling rather than having to face anyone else. Ever. I didn't care when I found out my girlfriend at the time was cheating on me. I would get in my car and break down once a week on Sunday afternoons because it was the only time I was ever alone.

Sometimes you can't pinpoint exactly where your sadness is stemming from. You find endless things in yourself to critique. You find yourself in relationships that aren't satisfying your heart. You find yourself reexamining vocations that once engulfed every fiber of your being with passion and giving up on them. You contemplate what your future really looks like. You contemplate if you're still a good person. And sometimes - and I'm sure I'm not the only one -you contemplate ending your life. It's a ridiculous thought, but we're human and it's a power that we have.

Obviously that's not how things wound up for me. I call that a fluke. What I mean by that is that I made a really terrible mistake when it came to dealing with the feelings I had. I never told anyone. You can ask my parents, it's a terrible habit of mine. I never told my family, my friends or reached out for help at all. Instead, I found solace in other things, primarily music. I'd walk around campus and play the same album on a loop. After months of this, it somehow made my problems seem less significant and I let go. I started writing again, I made more of an effort to be around my friends, I told jokes. I felt better. I channeled my energy into trying to become a better person, to learn more and create more. I wanted to be more. Eventually, I told a few friends - an extremely small number - about what I'd been going through, but that was years after the fact.

I was content with my decision for a while, seeing as I'd emerged from the entire thing alright. A year ago, though, I got a phone call and learned that one of my closest friends had died. When I asked how it happened, I was told that she'd taken her own life. It didn't make sense to me because I'd spoken with her that morning and she'd seemed fine. She never told me that anything was wrong. She never told me that she felt sad or depressed. She never told me anything. None of it added up in my head and I kept wanting to get more answers from that phone call to make it make sense. I couldn't resolve it and I felt a familiar pressure. Something in my chest kept twisting and pulling apart, assembling some kind of anxiety that took me over until something snapped. Over the next week, I learned that my friend had been in therapy for months, I learned of her depression, and I remembered how I never spoke to anyone close to me about what I went through either. I never even told her about my struggles after I felt I'd pulled through because I knew she'd be furious that I left her out of something so important. I couldn't blame her.

I didn't know how to go about grieving properly after that. I did anything to keep myself away from having to face what happened. I kept wondering what would have been different if I'd told her about my own struggles years before. I thought maybe she'd see that she's not the only one, and that the sadness and separation she felt could be overcome. I wondered if it would have made any difference at all, and maybe she would have confided in me with her problems the same way I could have with her. Maybe she'd still be here if I had. I wasn't able to illustrate to her how things do get better, as cliche as it sounds. Knowing you have a support system is one thing, but actually using it makes a world of difference.

If you're feeling depressed, please find someone to talk to. It could be a friend, your family, anyone. Seeking help could help you to realize that maybe what you're feeling is normal and will pass, or it can help you to uncover the real root of your sadness. Talking could potentially help to diagnose another issue that you weren't previously aware of. Talking things out could potentially save a life. Depression hits everyone differently, but if you surround yourself with people that challenge you and support you, it becomes easier to manage. Don't be afraid and don't let some social stigma or embarrassment hold you back from getting the help you need. Embrace the highs and lows of life as they come your way, take a deep breath and keep moving forward. Talk about how you feel, be open and clear, and allow yourself to grow and be more. You deserve it.