Though I grew up in a Southern Baptist church, I attended an Evangelical high school where most kids’ parents wanted them to join youth groups at similar-minded churches. Mine didn’t.
Thank God.
Many of the speakers at my high school’s mandatory chapel and spiritual retreats were youth pastors, so I was exposed to what youth groups would have been like, even without actually being in one.
I don’t intend to indict all youth group leaders with this post, but I saw the typical youth group setting allow -- even promote -- a level of involvement in kids’ lives that borders on unhealthy.
My friends in youth group told me how they spent hours pouring their hearts out to these ministers, usually men, often not much older than themselves.
Many of the leaders said that with Jesus, you don’t “have to be depressed,” or that anxiety signaled unconfessed sin. Kids were discouraged from seeking professional mental healthcare, even those who regularly self-harmed. Instead, they were told to pray more, read more, confess more. I’ve seen makeshift exorcisms performed to fix anything from depression to same-gender attraction.
Most kids didn’t know that this isn’t how you deal with serious issues, or feared that complaints would be viewed as exaggerations and excuses to get out of church.
Therapists have to obtain a lot of degrees before they’re allowed to guide someone through life. So why do so many parents entrust their children’s’ spiritual and emotional affairs to unrelated adults much younger than themselves?
I believe it is because these parents never know how deeply ministers are immersed in kids’ lives. When I’ve talked to parents whose children felt manipulated or exploited, they were shocked to realize just how much personal information their kids were encouraged to divulge, particularly regarding sexual issues.
While the acoustic guitar plays softly and kids are encouraged to “open up” about any unconfessed sins or deep struggles in their lives, they often obey. They receive praise for “giving their testimony” to peers; that is, spilling all of their secrets—depression, abuse, etc.
Testimony can be powerful and effective, but I saw too many teenagers pressured into it with the promise that it would make them feel better. Leave that to the adults who have had years to overcome past issues, but don’t give a kid a microphone and background music and coax them to confess.
This isn’t reality television; these are minors with real problems.
With so much authority over so many kids, it’s easy for the wrong person to abuse that power. We see the very worst scenarios in abuse scandals, and we know that many of these scandals go unreported due to lack of evidence or overwhelming shame on the part of the sufferer.
It can turn out just fine, of course. But if it’s a disaster, the parent will likely not know until the damage is done. For the college students I know who now avoid their childhood church, it is far more due to memories of the youth group over Sunday mornings.
On Sundays, my parents were right there to see everything the pastor said or did. There was no risk that they might think I had exaggerated or was just trying to get out of church, and he wasn't personally involved in my life, certainly not more than my parents were.
Though I now disagree with theology, I never felt personally exploited or manipulated there.
And for that, I am very thankful.
