One thing that I've learned over the past year is this; the average brain does not generally turn to suicide as being the answer.

Now, you'd think that would be common knowledge. However, in the world of mental illness, brains work backwards. Up becomes down, forward becomes backwards, and hope becomes despair. When you need help, instead of searching for it, you come up with reasons why you aren't worthy of it. When you need to go do something, you can't, even when it's something as basic as getting dressed in the morning. And when it comes to looking towards the future? Let's equate it to being alone at midnight in the middle of the woods -- when all that surrounds you is darkness and fear, there seems to be no point in moving forward.

The first time I ever thought about suicide was when I was eight years old. I remember I had gotten into a fight with my mom when I said to her, "Why don't I just kill myself?" And in the years to come, as puberty arrived, those thoughts got worse. Some of my teachers at school started to take notice. I had a substitute teacher in 4th grade who would pull me aside and give me 'happy cookies' whenever I seemed to be spiraling downwards. But, for the most part, I was a brilliant actress. One of my nicknames was 'sunshine', and everyone knew me as the person that never stopped giggling. To make up for what was going on in my own head, I would try to make everyone around me happy. I would make people cards, color them pictures, and pick them flowers, because my brain interpreted sad as being a nasty thing. Painful, even. And the number one thing that everyone with depression knows is that no one else ever deserves to feel that level of unhappiness.

However, my real breaking point happened when I hit high school. Every single night the same questions would hit me; "Do I really want to feel like this for the rest of my life? Do I really want to keep going?" I had journals filled with anger and confusion. Was I really such a bad person that I needed to feel so horrible every day? Was there anyone that even cared if I was alive? How much longer could I take feeling like this?

I don't like to think about it, and I usually won't admit it, but one day I snapped. Depression can sometimes feel like your worst enemy screaming at you without ever stopping, and that day she was screaming at me, "No one loves you! No one cares! No one will ever love you!" And while it's happening, you realize that the person screaming is you, and you can't escape yourself. Plus, why would your own brain be lying to you? There must be some truth there. And when you can't make your own brain shut up and it's telling you that life is hopeless, that's the moment that you want to make it all stop. You want to stop feeling; you want to stop being. You feel like a burden on the world, and ending it doesn't feel like a selfish decision at all. You feel like you're saving the people around you from dealing with your misery. You feel like they'll be happier without you.

And as someone who has been in that exact spot, about to make a terrible decision based on fear and pain, I can tell you one thing. Those feelings are lies. Depression is a nasty voice that feeds you lies. Which is hard to comprehend, given that the voice comes from inside of your head. But what we forget when we're alone in that forest of darkness is that without fail, the sun will rise the next day. It might be the hardest, most terrifying night of your life trying to keep moving forward until the sun comes out, but it will come. And when it comes, you can find the path that will get you to the help that you need.

So here are my three pieces of advice to those of you who might be feeling like you're at your lowest point.

1. Fall apart. When I say fall apart, I don't mean give up. I mean let yourself feel those emotions that are inside of your head. Cry if you need to. Scream if you need to. Throw something if you need to. Write out all of the anger and sadness. Because that's the first step to understanding what's happening. Maybe you'll realize that you're upset over a friend leaving your life, and working on that relationship will be the first step to healing. Or maybe you'll realize that you're upset over something that happened a long time ago, and therapy could really help you out. Potentially, you're upset over nothing at all -- it's all chemical, and a trip to the doctor's office could be good for you. Whatever it is, face it. Know what you're dealing with so you can take steps to get the help you need.

2. Get around people. I am absolutely not presentable when I am depressed. I won't shower, I won't speak to people, and I get stuck inside of a bubble where I could care less about what's happening in other peoples' lives. I'm selfish, a bad friend...and that is the point where I need to be around people the most. There are a few reasons for this. When you're in a state of chaos, you won't be able to make decisions clearly, and a friend can help you decide what to do next. Also, sometimes a change of scenery will do you a world of good. But mostly, being around other people when you're at your lowest will teach your brain that no matter how you feel, people will still love you. And that's a great lesson to teach yourself.

3. Have a plan, and stick to it. I suggest making this plan when you're feeling okay, and this is probably the most important thing you can do. Write down phone numbers you can call for those moments that you just need to vent. Write down friends' addresses who will take you in when you're having a bad night. Write down methods of distraction for when your thoughts get overwhelming. Have a plan with your doctor/therapist for when certain triggers pop up. And follow the advice of your healthy self. Your depressed self, as I said before, is full of crap. It will tell you that the best method to get across a bridge is to hang on to the sides with your fingertips rather than use your feet. So make a plan when you're feeling good and see it through, even when you don't want to. Because whether you realize it or not, you are important and worthy, even during the times when your brain isn't seeing things that way.