Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "The only way to have a friend is to be one." Now, I'm not going to sit here and lecture about what it means to be a good friend, but I do want to touch on what I've learned. In my last 20 years of existence, more than anything else, I've learned that friendship is always, without exceptions, a two-way street.
Around four years ago, a close friend and I got into a bit of an argument (so minimal that I cannot even recall what it was about), and she ended up saying something to me that I don't think I'll ever be able to erase from my memory. Her words exactly were, "This isn't my fault. You just have too high of expectations for your friends." I remember freezing for a moment after that, and rather than being angry or upset, I was just simply puzzled. Those words have since haunted me, but I finally think I've figured out the lesson I needed to learn: No matter what, when it comes to your friends, you never settle for less.
To me, being a friend is not a chore, being a friend is not stressful, and being a friend certainly isn't difficult. Friendships are founded upon a good balance of give and take, and I've always taken that ideology seriously. When individuals experience falling-outs, it usually stems from an imbalance between these two concepts. But, I never really understood how that could happen. How does one overlook thoughtful acts of a friend, and not return the same favors? How does one get to the point where they take such a relationship for granted? I always knew that having good friends was a privilege, and I never once thought of it as a right. This all started for me a number of years ago, when I stumbled upon a particular quote that read:
This quote was indeed about friendship. I had read this, written it down, and lived by it at the time of that argument. These lines resinated with me so much, and they defined exactly the type of friend that I wanted, and the type of friend I wanted to be. So, I did what I felt best, and I let her fizzle out of my life entirely. I never felt as though I made the wrong decision.
Today, I continue to stumble out of bed at 3:00 a.m. to pick up friends that need a ride, I continue to bring over cheap wine and frozen yogurt when someone close to me is upset, and I continue to just simply put my arm around those I love.
So, maybe she was right. Maybe I do have high expectations for my closest friends, but maybe that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I would drop anything and go to the end of the world for my friends, and I don't even need to ask if they would do the same. Although we are no longer close, that friend taught me the very important lesson that Emerson so clearly projected in one simple sentence. Having good friends means being a good friend. So, don't waste time on people that can't treat you the way you would treat them. Having good friends is something that I've always cherished, and it has always motivated me to be the best person I could be for them, too. So, If someone truly doesn't appreciate you the same ways in which you appreciate them, there is simply no reason to keep them around. You only have so much room for others in your life, so don't go wasting that space on people who don't deserve it.
