In the past couple of weeks, I have heard on multiple occasions stories about how girls are treated badly by their boyfriends. For example, one girl told me that her boyfriend had called her fat and ugly and threatened to hook-up with other girls. Another friend of mine found out that her boyfriend had cheated on her. You would think that either one of those things would make the girls break up with their boyfriend. But what did they do? You guessed it, they both forgave their boyfriends and ran straight back into their arms. It seems pathetic, but the sad truth is that we all know somebody who has done this same exact thing. Which begins begs the question: Why do we settle?
Growing up in a culture that is dominated by negative body image and self-doubt it’s no wonder why many girls have issues with self-confidence and self-worth. We thrive for acceptance and the feeling of being wanted. Unfortunately, much of the reassurance that we crave is given to us by boys. And for that reason alone, we settle. We lower our standards because we want to be wanted. Boys know that and they take advantage of our vulnerability.
In the beginning of a relationship, boys will transform into gentlemen and be on their best behavior. They take you on a great dates and treat you like the princess that you are. They introduce you to their friends and make you feel comfortable and welcome. They invite you to their mixers and parties. They introduce you to their family. They make you feel wanted. Then all of the sudden, it’s like a switch, they stop trying because they know they have you.
It is that moment that the relationship begins to becomes toxic, but we are completely blind to it all and start making excuses for them. We begin to settle. When boys begin to put in less effort than they did in the beginning of the relationship, we put in more effort to trick ourselves into thinking everything is going smooth. We turn a blind eye to harmful things such as cheating or lying, because if we do not acknowledge it, we can pretend it never happened. But it will also never get better. We settle because we are afraid of facing the truth, afraid of not being wanted, afraid of being alone. But if we continue to settle, it sends the message to boys that we are OK with how they are treating us.
My mom once told me that it is up to me to teach boys how I expect to be treated. If we do not stand up for ourselves nothing will change. You deserve to be treated like a princess. You deserve to feel confident in your relationship. You deserve to be cherished and wanted. So stop settling. And as the great Blair Waldorf once said, “You deserve someone who would move mountains for you if he had to.”
