Every so often, I notice myself getting caught in differing situations which illuminate a common theme. The theme that seems most persistent to me is regret. Why do I regret so much? There is nothing I want more than to understand myself, and I think that self-examination is difficult; I mean, who really wants to sit around and address why they’re feeling a certain way? But this feeling of regret is something that has been begging for a moment in the spotlight for quite some time now.
I do, in fact, regret many things, but I live in a society that tells youth to forget the past, move towards the future, and somehow be in the present as much as possible. How is any of that feasible, though? Everyone forgets what happened in the past, except for you. No one can interpret the future. And, obviously, everyone lives in the present, but they may or may not be cognizant or accepting of this reality.
In complete allegiance with these notions, I hear things like “You need to put the past in the past” or “You can’t have regret something that’s already happened / may or may not happen in the future.” True, the past is the past, and it is important to learn how to move on, and yes, constantly anticipating the future is unproductive in terms of emotional balance. But as of late, I cannot agree with my peers about these commonly accepted theories regarding regret. I don’t want to forget how something or someone made me feel just because I tell myself to do so.
You interact with such a wide variety of people in your lifetime and only find a few with whom you share common values as well as their perceived importance. Why does regret not factor into our value systems? To regret is to acknowledge that an action or event took place; acknowledgement of the past is the only way to really be present and mindful of the future, and the truth that the unknown future is, in fact, your reality.
Regret tells me that I have a real issue with something that I did; not another person’s actions, but mine. Sometimes, it feels almost self-depreciating to regret, as if regret is the gateway to self-loathing. But what is the dilemma over personal regret? What is the issue with regretting a certain component of my personality, my actions, my reactions, and everything in-between? There may not be so many other people in this world who are willing to say in public that they are upset with themselves. This is why, when I think of personal regret, I know that whatever the issue it may pertain to, the issue is no one else’s, but mine.
When we try to externalize our regret, we do so with the assumption that there is some contrived cultural negativity associated with regret. Of course, there is no way to fully remove oneself from regret; instead, to self-actualize regret is the source of overcoming it in the first place. There is no absolute rule within our culture that dictates that regret as negative; instead, it is in our human nature to associate regret with pessimism, because, of course, no one likes to feel bad.
Whether or not I choose to actually do something about those things that I don’t like about myself, I’ve already made it one step closer to figuring out what it means to regret. Allowing myself to accept the regret, what does that even mean? What does that look like? How does that feel? It feels like that physiological sensation of blood running upwards from my sternum throughout my chest, the heat seeping in. I acknowledge that there is a certain type of sadness appropriate to my reaction. What does it look like? It looks like getting out of my apartment to walk to class in the drizzling rain without a raincoat and unknowingly talking to myself about everything that happened that day so far. What does that even mean? No one will ever know. No one will ever see what my personal pain or regret looks like. No one will ever get a glimpse of my physical being and automatically notice the façade over that layer of regret. There is a clear film layer of drizzle on my forehead and some hot blood rushing around in my arteries as I contemplate the truths that I hate to justify. However, if you do, in fact, see that layer of rainwater evaporating off of my skull, then you can probably take a hint or two. (Or guess that I am the spawn of Satan, you decide.)
There is more to say about regret than I think my generation wants to admit. I drank a lot the other night day and thought it was appropriate to unbutton my shirt completely at Roy’s because I was wearing a really cool bra and it was 100 degrees outside. I totally regret that. I’ve pushed people out of my life with the expectation that they would magically reappear. I undoubtedly regret all of that. As stated before, it’s in our human nature to not want to feel bad, but sometimes, it's impossible to not become entangled in life. We naturally do things that have personal, immediate benefits. But to disallow ourselves regret, that form of deep personal reflection, only keeps us running in circles.
There is a real issue here. Why is being trapped on a never-ending roller coaster so appealing, going up and down saying no regrets about this, no regrets about that? The fact of the matter is that in reality, in stepping off of the roller coaster, there is something to be said about personal gains and regret. To forbid oneself from introspective thinking has setbacks, but so does actually taking the time to think about your life, because, in the end, you may not like what you come to realize.
I dislike myself when I feel regret, and I’ll continue to be that way until the end of time. The truth, once again, appears to be that you’ll never stop feeling badly about yourself completely. Self-doubt is a horrible feeling, but it’s there for a reason. Regret has just as much purpose as every other emotion out there. It serves as a reminder that I am capable of telling myself that I screwed up and at the same time remaining calm and reflective. I’m not special, though; I, along with so many others, get a little frustrated when it comes to thinking about the past and all its misadventures.
No one has the answer on how we can live life as freely as an Elite Daily article suggests. The reason why we have regret, though, is clear. Imagine that you never got off the roller coaster, and life was one big joke after another, with dysfunction being the punch line. The life we live without regret is a sham that only sees purpose in the nonsensical and in avoidance. The life we live with regret is one lived with truth and understanding. Regret will remain as a learning tool; teaching about living, accepting change, and attempting to grow in a way that stems from self-appreciation and awareness.
