I’ve experienced heartache from a number of different reasons; from losing loved ones, to cutting ties with an old friend, all the way to getting used by a boy or having to give up on a lifelong dream. This heartache all stems from some sort of loss, but if there’s anything I’ve learned in these past 19 years of life, it’s that eventually the pain will subside and you'll be able to rub your tears away and see clearly again. Through this new and improved vision you'll see that though it felt like you lost a big part of your life, it certainly isn't a loss.

I’ve lost my grandfather, but I gained the best guardian angel I could ever ask for. Every time something goes wrong or I’m struggling with life’s daily battles, there comes a sign. A cardinal, a penny from heaven, or a big full moon to remind me just how much my Papa is truly with me. I miss him immensely and still pray to him every night, but I know I didn't lose a grandfather that morning in July, I simply gained a guardian.

I’ve lost friends. In plenty of different ways; I’ve been ditched, I’ve been called terrible things, hell, I’ve even said some terrible things to people, but what I’ve gained is even better friends. While going through times of trouble my best friends have literally made their way out of my past and wrapped their arms around me and guided me to the future. They showed me what it’s like to be truly loved and what it’s like to be completely accepted. They taught me how to keep an open-mind and accept love from all sorts of people. They taught me that I deserve to be appreciated.

Boys, I wish I could be stubborn and angry and say that they've taught me nothing but to run, and run fast and far away. But in reality they taught me how to love myself. Every time I was used, reused, tossed away, and sweet talked to their convenience, I grew thicker and thicker skin. Such thick skin that I learned how to shut everyone else out for a bit and only care about what’s inside of my body. A heart that loves, a brain that thinks, and thinks well, and a girl who is beautiful and doesn't need any boy to define her worth. So thank you, assholes.

I’ve given up on dreams, giving up on dreams taught me something simple but the greatest thing ever: what I want to do with my life. Let’s be honest, I was never going to go to Notre Dame and become a lawyer like I wanted to in grammar school.. I would never be Cinderella, which was my go-to preschool goal. I let go of my dream of becoming a journalist, just to achieve my biggest dream of all, to help people. I chose my major after a lot of thought, and now that I’m fully submerged in it, I think it was made for me. I was put on this earth to help and serve people and show them the love that I was showed from so many people in my life.

You may look at my life and think it was a series of losses, and sometimes when I’m down in the dumps, I even do too. But once I glance at the past, and even look in the present at who I currently am as a person, I realize that my life has been a life full of gains. Beautiful, confusing and fascinating gains.