Growing up in a small town can be hard for a lot of reasons. But for me, the hardest reason was always trying to keep up with the ever-changing demands of popularity. I felt a certain pressure to be popular in school because the friends that I had in primary school were suddenly forming groups and rising in popularity. I almost felt as if I didn't have a choice but to try and do all of the things my friends did. I can remember feeling this way from as early on as third grade. I would have only been 8 years old.
Of course I could never quite keep up with them all. Somehow, they always seemed to do everything better than I did, even though we were all doing the same things. No matter how many Aeropostale shirts I wore, someone always wore them better. No matter how hard I tried in cheerleading, another girl was always better. No matter how many parties and sleepovers I invited my friends to, I was never invited to theirs. Boys always found my friends prettier, and even worse, I cared too much about the opinion of boys to find worth in myself. While these things may sound silly in hindsight, these are the types of things that every pre-teen is troubled by. I used to worry that my best would never be good enough.
Once high school rolled around, I finally began to wise up. I stopped doing things, wearing things and going places all in hopes that others might view me as worthy to be in their presence. I began doing things for myself. I started doing the things I enjoyed and surrounded myself with people who like those things as well. While it was sad that my friends from childhood and I drifted apart, it was nice to finally be happy and be genuinely happy for them as well.
Now as I write this from my apartment as a college student, I can confidently say that I am still not popular, and I’ve never been happier. While of course it’s true that popularity matters a whole lot less in college than it did in high school and middle school, but somehow the standards of popularity are still all around us. With social media, it can be easy to still feel that pressure. While other people around me that are my age may get hundreds of likes, views, retweets and follower counts on various platforms like: Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Vine, Snapchat and Instagram, it’s easy to see how it can be easy to feel unpopular all over again.
Here is what I’ve learned. I never though I would ever say these words, but high school me had the right idea. Very rarely is popularity about the things we enjoy. In fact, more times than not, it revolves around pressure to be presentable. Being able to live my life the way I enjoy and being able to find people who enjoy me for who I truly am (and yes, there are good friends out there for all of us) has been my biggest and greatest blessing. Being “lame” just might be the best thing that has ever happened to me.
