Why It's OK To Not Have A Boyfriend

Why It's OK To Not Have A Boyfriend

You are not a puzzle piece.
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For the past 20 years, I have been single. I haven't even go on a date let alone have my first kiss until earlier this year. I was too insecure. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, and I genuinely felt annoying. For the longest time, I thought that I needed a boyfriend because that's what people my age were doing. I thought that if I had a boyfriend, all of my problems would disappear. I would be happy and confident, and complete. Like I was just a lonely puzzle piece who has yet to find their match.

I got help for my mental health and began college, became more independent, gained more confidence. I now have found someone, but looking back at my thought process now, I realize that I was wrong.

I learned that I have to make myself happy. People used to tell me this all of the time, especially when my depression was at my worst, and it always frustrated me. I didn't really believe it for a while. I thought that it meant that I was alone to be happy. I thought that I couldn't have help from friends, family, or professionals. But now I've learned that getting help to be happy is okay, because you are putting the effort into it. You're the one to go get medication or vent to friends. Not everything is going to be handed to you, you have to ask because you probably know what's best for you.

I learned that before I could really be in a relationship, I had to be more accepting of myself. I had to forgive myself for all of those little mistakes. Yeah, sometimes I do have those days where I don't want to face the world. I get those days where I just feel fat and ugly. But a boyfriend isn't going to fix that, like I thought it would.

A partner is there not to complete you but to help you grow. They're there to open your life to new experiences, and open your mind more about the world. They're there to help celebrate the good times and help you through the bad. They're there to be your best friend.

And if you find someone who isn't interested in you, that it completely okay. They can't see your worth and they don't deserve it.

And it is completely okay to not have a partner. It is your choice.

You are not a puzzle piece.

You're the whole goddamn canvas.

Cover Image Credit: Soul Expanded

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

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When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

SEE ALSO: They're Not Junkies, You're Just Uneducated

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

Cover Image Credit: http://crashingintolove.tumblr.com/post/62246881826/pieffysessanta-tumblr-com

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You've Heard Of 'How To Be Single,' But Let's Talk About 'How To Be Romantic'

For some of us, it takes work to be cutesy and romantic.

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Okay, I'm probably the least romantic person anyone has ever met. Not to say that I'm a bad girlfriend or that I'm not caring. I just find love in simple things like knowing what to order for them at restaurants, doing their laundry, planning unique dates, or cooking for them. It's not that I'm opposed to being arduous, I've just never been a chocolate and flowers kind of girl. I'm more of a Mongolian hot pot and "let's walk across the Brooklyn Bridge!" kind of girl. I appreciate some effort, tailoring something to fit a person's idiosyncratic personality or general spontaneity, not how flowery something looks. Not saying that I'm not feminine, I'm just my own entity, so to speak, and that translates into my love life. Needless to say, I thought I should learn how the other half lives, so I've challenged myself to take a course on being a classic/hopeless romantic just to understand how others think and who knows I might change some of my habits!

1. Leave notes

I think it's a really cute and simple idea that I will try to do because it makes everything very personal.

2. Write them a poem

I've had this done for me but I've never actually done it, because believe it or not, I didn't like to read or write poems up until this year.

3. Cuddling

Okay, so I'm not a cuddler, I have no idea why — it's more or less a personal space and attachment issue, I guess. I love hugs though! I guess I just have to be in the mood to cuddle and at times I can be. Other times it just makes me nervous.

4. Dedicate a song to them on the radio

It seems like the people on the radio that do this are crazy in love and honestly, to be able to have the ability to go on the radio and just declare your love for someone else is really inspiring.

5. Surprise them!

I personally cannot stand surprises, but I love to surprise other people and just be spontaneous, so I sort of do this already.

6. Carve your names into a tree

I've thought about doing this, but I've never got around to it, so I promise one day I will.

7. Go see a romantic movie

Nope, nope, I'll barf! Not happening, strictly horror movies for this girl, sorry!

8. Make them a care package

See, this makes me think a lot about what really defines romantic, because I do this all the time, but I don't consider it romantic, I just think it's sweet.

9. Take a walk on the beach together

I've done this, but I have to be doing this while looking for seashells or I feel like I'll be bored.

10. Make a CD for them

"THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER," CHARLIE IS QUAKING.

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