Being in love is supposed to be this exciting, bubbly, lovey dovey type of feeling, right? If you're with the right person, it can be. But when you deal with an anxiety disorder, it can be hard to feel this way. You're supposed to love and trust this person because they're your other half. They love you and would do anything for you.
But one day, they don't text you back for a while. For a normal person, this wouldn't be a big deal. One might think, "Hmm. They're probably busy. They'll text me back when they want to." Seems like a rational thought, right?
That's not how someone with anxiety thinks. They think that they've done something wrong. They go back through messages to make sure that they didn't say something to make the other person mad. Or maybe they're with someone else? That has to be why they're not texting back. Should I double text? No, then I'll look needy. I can't run him off.
And then they text back. They were doing homework and didn't hear their phone. You don't let them know that you were panicking. You play it off cool and breathe a sigh of relief that they're not mad at you.
This is something that I deal with every day. My boyfriend is an amazing person who treats me like a princess on a daily basis. So honestly, there's no reason for me to feel like this. That's where anxiety comes in. You can be having the most perfect day, and anxiety can decide to rear its ugly head and attempt to ruin everything.
But that's where the person that you're with rides in like a knight in shining armor and makes everything better. I feel like I'm this massively dysfunctional person when I have an episode when my boyfriend and I are together, but he does whatever he can to calm me down and make me smile.
Being in love with someone doesn't mean that they only love you on the good days. They love you through the tears, panic attacks because you don't want to talk to someone on the phone or go to class with someone that you don't like, and they love you for you. Not your anxiety.
Anxiety is not something that you can just get rid of with medication, no matter how hard you try. It doesn't just magically go away with a pill. It'll go away for a little bit, but you'll still have to face your triggers on a daily basis. That's why it makes life so much easier when you have someone by your side to face the bad days and the demons with you. They say that you need to find someone that can be your boyfriend and your best friend at the same time, and this is a perfect example of why.
Don't let your anxiety define you. Embrace it and take life head on.
