I grew up in a loving home with a loving family, and I am so thankful for that, because it has shaped me into the person that I am today. Growing up, I was always taught “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, and since the day I was born, and probably until the day that I die, that has been the foundation that I have lived my life on.

I base my actions, thoughts, and feelings on how I want them to be reciprocated back to me. And that is perfectly okay- to an extent. It has always been in my nature to make others happy, even if that meant something different for me. And I have found that even though it feels so amazing to put a smile on other people’s faces, sometimes, it costs me my own happiness. It is obvious that we can’t always get what we want, and in life, there are times where certain outcomes of certain situations aren’t always going to be in our favor. However, when it gets to the point where you begin to sacrifice your own happiness- and sanity- for other people who can’t seem to return the favor, it starts to become a vicious cycle that you may find you can’t seem to get yourself out of.

It is more than okay to find joy in helping others. It is more than okay to enjoy making them happy. But when you lose your own ability to say “no”, you open up an entire realm of possibilities for yourself to be walked on and taken for granted, sometimes by the people you would least expect. And it’s hard, because you don’t want to be skeptical- you don’t want to be the person to question someone’s intentions. But the reality is, especially in the world we live in today, you need to be cautious. And this is not meant to shame you, or scare you, into saying “no” to every single person that you cross paths with, or to every offer that you may be asked to do. What this is meant to show you is: at the end of the day, you have yourself. You have your body, your mind, and your own life that only you have to worry about and take care of. And, at the end of the day, if your body and your mind are not taken care of, you are the only one that is going to suffer. Not the person that you went out of your way to do something for, even when deep down inside, you knew you shouldn’t have, or simply didn’t want to.

You need to learn to say no- not because it’s wrong to help others, but because it’s wrong to drain yourself for people who wouldn’t lift a finger for you. Think of all the amazing things you do- and have done- for other people, and then imagine what your life could be like if you treated yourself even half as well. Mental health is no joke, and when you don’t pay attention to your own needs, you risk your own well-being. Allow yourself to be happy by helping others- but also let yourself make you happy, as well. Learn that you are allowed to come first, and find a healthy balance.