Today, I woke up and there was snow on the ground and snow falling from the sky. Usually, winter is the time that my seasonal depression hits. The sun isn't around as much and the weather is cold. I feel exhausted and drained and like I want to sit around, do absolutely nothing, and wallow in my own self pity and misery. For the past six semesters, I suffered from a lot of anxiety and depression spells. I would feel so overwhelmed and hide away. I would cut people off and feel perfectly fine with it. Or at least, I thought I would feel fine. But really, I was suffering.
However, I don't feel that way now. As I have said in MANY of my previous articles, I have amazing friends and know incredible people. My mental health is at the best place it's been in years, and it almost feels like I'm living a completely different life as opposed to three years, two years, even one year ago. I never thought I would ever feel this way again, but because of amazing people in my life, I have found such great support to help me through the toughest times.
During this semester, I have also learned how to emotionally support myself and practice self love and care. This has been especially hard for me because I have always found it so incredibly easy to love and support others but so difficult to love and support myself. I never knew how to love myself, so instead I would just love others. But after a lot of hard work, I've begun to figure out exactly what I need to give myself and when I need to give it.
I think that I know how to handle myself better now. And I think I know what I'll have to do to best help myself. So now, when I look outside and see snow everywhere, I don't feel dread and fear of the impending anxiety that will likely come with the season change. Instead, I woke up and thought about all of the hot chocolate I plan to drink while curled up in bed and watching the snow fall. I think about the Secret Santa exchanges that I will be doing in the next month and all of the Christmas music that I want to play.
The weather outside may be frightful, but I could go on for hours about all of the things around me that are so delightful.
