Hi, my name's Angela, and I struggle with my weight.
Just those few words can be difficult to openly admit, but if there is anything I have learned, it's that your struggles help mold you into the person you are today, and I will always be stronger for mine.
To go from an obese 13-year-old, (181 pounds), to an average weight high school student, (125 lbs), and experience weight fluctuations every year, (down to 115 by my sophomore year of college), has definitely been tolling. It felt as if I kept reaching for this "perfect body" because if I had the "perfect body" then I would surely have the "perfect life", right?
Wrong. Sometimes you can be so blinded by your goals that you neglect to realize what is healthy and what isn't. I never tried losing weight in a way that involved pills, or anything of that nature. However, I was convinced that in order for me to be tiny, I needed to work out constantly and eat as little as possible. There were people in my life that told me it wasn't sustainable, but when you're a perfectionist, it can feel impossible not do everything in your power to achieve your goals. I called it will power. Of course, this is not to say that that sort of drive can't be immensely beneficial to your life, it definitely can, but when a few pounds here and there slowly crept up on me again last semester, it wasn't until this summer that I had an epiphany.
Drum roll please....
The reason some of the weight crept back on wasn't because I was suddenly being careless and eating junk, (though I did have far less time to work out last semester), it was because I didn't lose weight the first. second time in a way that was healthy for me. The key words being "healthy for me" since I definitely recognize that everyone has a different metabolism, body and way of living and not one single way will work for everyone. I realized it was time to stop feeling ashamed of my new body, constantly comparing it to the smaller version it once was. My new goal was to learn how to embrace a healthier lifestyle so that I genuinely felt better not just on the outside, but on the inside.
The process wasn't easy and I am always progressing and learning each day. but this summer I was able to successfully change my relationship with food, exercise, and most importantly, myself. I enjoy eating food and no longer have a fearful relationship with it anymore, but still manage to eat healthy. I enjoy natural foods and knowing that what I'm putting into my body is making it stronger, instead of weaker. Cheating once in a while is no longer something I'm terrified of because I know that I have the right tools this time to help me stay on track. When it comes to my relationship with exercising, I enjoy it far more because I have more energy then I ever did when I was neglecting to give my body the fuel it needed. I love knowing that I'm pushing my body to its limits and am always working toward a new goal because I now have the strength to do so. I always preach to others that everyone's body is beautiful in it's own way, but it wasn't until recently I realized, I never preached that to myself. My friends all have different body shapes and different goals they work toward achieving and I think they all should be proud of themselves. I'm choosing to finally make the decision to feel the same about myself.
For people wondering on what progress I have made, I've gone down three inches in my hips and two in my waist. I no longer obsess over the number on the scale like I used to daily. The number no longer defines me or my happiness. Slowly, but surely I am making progress toward my goal, which is no longer to be as small as possible, but to be as healthy as possible for my body type. My new epiphany has brought about a lot of positive change in my life. Am I going to say there aren't days I get down on myself? Of course not, I'm still human, and like everyone else I'll have my bad days, but I know how to come back from those bad days in a way that is healthy, helpful, and healing, which has truly made all the difference.
P.S.
To anyone reading this, know that you are beautiful and capable of achieving so much in life. Please take the time to celebrate yourself and know that no matter what your body type is, being healthy is truly what is most important and the key to genuine happiness and confidence.
