When my friends and I talk about our futures, we always say where we want to live, what job we want, and the daunting statement of how many kids we want.

I always say, "I want to live in New York. I want to be a lawyer. I want three kids."

However, do I really? I go back and forth so often in my head because I do not know if I want to have kids.

I see my life going in two ways, one with kids and one without kids. They both sound and look so appealing to me.

My life with kids looks something like this: I walk up four flights of stairs in my tiny apartment complex and open the door to a small but cozy New York apartment. After a long day in the office, I put my bag down and I hear the pitter patter of six little feet. They come running up to me and give me a hug. I look up at my husband who has started dinner and give him a kiss and change into my sweats. I come in the kitchen and help my husband with dinner while three little voices are all talking at the same time telling me all about their day.

As we sit down for dinner the talking only increases and there is no silence. I am laughing at my children trying to understand what they are saying. After dinner, I start the dishes while my husband starts the bath for my kids. I listen as he argues and laughs with the kids on washing their hair, I smile to myself thinking "it doesn't get better than this." I come in and help dry them off and get ready for bed. My husband and I sit on the couch at the same time and sigh together because we felt like we just ran a marathon. We look at each other and could care less if we are so tired because we both are thinking the same thing, "how did we get so lucky?"

My life without kids looks something like this: I wake up at 6 am and meet a girlfriend at the gym to do pilates. I shower, change, and get ready to go to work. I work from 7:00 am until 7:00 pm -- an 11-hour workday. I don't care about the hours because I wake up every morning knowing I am going to help my client and make a change in their lives. The hard work pays off every time I win a case when they hug me and thank me. It is the small gratitude from them that makes my whole world.

I run straight to a restaurant to meet my husband. I apologize for being late and he just smiles because I am never on time. We talk about our upcoming trip to Africa and all the service we are going to be doing. We travel regularly because we have time and we both love to explore the world. We walk back to our apartment in New York City and spend the rest of the evening on our balcony drinking wine and look at the skyline we call our home.

I look at both scenarios and I can't help by smile. I could see myself in both situations. I love that I would bring life into this world but I also love that I would have the freedom to travel and dedicate my life to my work. Yes, I may only be 19 but as a girl who plans her life down to the last second, I constantly think about this dilemma I have. I have fears of bringing children into the world I call home today.

The world is not a perfect place that is full of horrors. The thought of pregnancy scares me. The fear of that there are horrible people in this world who could hurt my child scares me. I am afraid if I don't do well in my career I won't be able to provide for my child. I guess in these type of situations, I have to see where my life takes me. With having kids, the downside for me is that it would take away from my travel and work which I take great pride and joy in. I also don't know if I am the type of person that wants myself or my husband to dedicate our lives to kids. The downside to not having kids is at the end of my life, I do not want regret. I don't want to regret not having children.

Sometimes I feel the pressure from society to have children. It is as if all women are "made" to have children. It is as if we all have the preconceived notion that all women want children. I like that I have a different look on it. I am also blessed and thankful every day that I have the decision to choose as so many other women around the world do not. I don't need a reason to want or not want children, it ultimately at the end of the day is my choice.

I guess I just have to wait and see what my future holds for me.