“No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.” -Alice Walker
Being seventeen, I am experiencing a lot of things for the first time. Recently my friendship with someone I considered a best friend ended. This best friend, in particular, had "betrayed" me my sophomore year. By betray I mean she dated a guy that I pleaded with her to not make a move on, and within a few weeks she began to hang all over him. I didn't speak to her for a year, until the guy I was dating long-term left me unexpectedly. After my relationship with my ex-boyfriend ended I was brokenhearted and in turn very vulnerable and begged this girl for help. For me to go to this friend was a big deal since I rarely give second chances. She was there for me, but had a tendency to rub her relationship in my face. She was very competitive about who was happy and when we were having bad days, she competed to see who was having the worse day. I could overlook this though, seeing as in high school everyone is competitive. I just always asked her to be honest with me, because I was always honest with her, and I thought she was.
Before I knew it she stopped being there when I needed her, all we ever seemed to talk about was her, or her boyfriend. I met a couple new friends through her and when the three of us got together we found out that this girl had been saying cruel things about each of us, so naturally we distanced ourselves from her. When we distanced ourselves I began getting blocked by her and messages from another mutual friend about how I needed to stop manipulating people to not like my former friend and that I couldn't just end our friendship since we attended a small school and she didn't have many friends. I was labeled as hostile, and toxic. I gained these labels by someone I had given another chance to because she was starting to take a toll on my mental health. This was someone who I had trusted with things I never speak about, just to have her use my anxieties and insecurities against me.
Being seventeen, I understand that I am going to lose a lot of people. I understand that in less than a year I won't see many of the people that I consider friends ever again, and I'm okay with that. What I am not okay with is letting someone in and out of my life whenever they please; letting that same person hurt me every time they are in my life. I lost someone I considered a best friend because I wouldn't sacrifice my mental health and my happiness for someone who wouldn't even text me back when I needed her. This friendship helped me understand that people come into your life and don't care about you, and when that happens you have to be selfish and let go. I am glad that I gave her a second chance because she showed me what I deserve in a friend and to not settle for less.
To this day she believes that I am completely in the wrong and that she is completely innocent. She still refuses to speak to me, she will not tell me what I did. My former friend will talk about maturity but will not own up to the mistakes of her past. I do not wish anything bad on her. However, I do wish that she would see things outside of her tunnel vision and acknowledge the mistakes of her past and allow herself to grow from them, rather than push her further from the people that care about her.
