To The “Best Friend” I Decided I Couldn’t Be Friends With Anymore

To The “Best Friend” I Decided I Couldn’t Be Friends With Anymore

Most of all, thank you for being the person who finally pushed me to choose myself.
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Dear Old Friend,

I decided we aren’t friends anymore and you may not fully understand why.

I recently read To The Bestfriend Who Decided We Aren't Friends Anymore and it struck a chord with me. I realized that I was that friend who walked away, who gave up. I hurt you and that hurts me. But, the reality is, I decided we aren’t friends anymore because… we just weren’t.

I think about all of the memories we shared, too. I haven’t forgotten all of the years we were never without each other. And if we were apart, we were texting or counting down the minutes until we would be together again. I think about the times when it wasn’t even a question if you were going to celebrate my birthday with me, binge-watch Netflix and eat junk food, or hug me until I stopped crying and forgot his name. Because all that mattered was us. We were like Blair and Serena. Everything would be OK as long as we were together, right?

But we aren’t together.

My heart is broken when I see you post pictures with other friends tagged #bestfriend #rideordie #girlfriend, when I hear one of our songs and you’re not there to sing horribly with me when I am alone or scared and you aren’t there like you’re supposed to be.

You’re just not there anymore and you haven’t been for over a year.

I moved away. I will take responsibility for leaving, for transferring colleges, for making new friends, for growing up. I know I left you, but that didn’t change our friendship for me. I never stopped being your best friend. I know I had to go days at a time without texting you back.

I know I had to go months without visiting. I go to a new college, I have new friends and I don’t live 15 minutes away anymore, but when did that stop me from being there for you? When another jerk broke your heart, I was on the phone with you until you stopped crying. When you experienced loss, I got my shift covered and drove down to you as soon as I could. I never called anyone else my best friend, it was always you; my new friends even knew that. But it was never enough for you.

Maybe I am the one who officially decided we aren’t friends anymore, but you decided too.

You decided we weren’t friends anymore when you stopped being my best friend, but expected me to be yours. You decided we weren’t friends anymore when you intentionally tried to hurt me because you felt justified in doing so.

You decided we weren’t friends anymore when you chose a boy over our friendship — over and over and over again. You decided we weren’t friends anymore when you chose to be jealous instead of happy for me. You decided we weren’t friends anymore when you made our friendship a one-way street.

Friendship, like any relationship I have learned, can’t be a one-way street. It isn’t petty, it isn’t cruel. True friendship is supportive, accepting, understanding and is never less important than a boy. Best friends never, ever intentionally hurt their best friends , no matter what the reason may be. Once you do that, you just aren’t best friends anymore.

Now, I know that when you love someone, you fight. I know that there are going to be rough patches, but I stuck around for longer than I should have. You know this. I know you know this. I forgave you over and over and over again. I forgave you for things that I never in a million years could imagine myself doing to you, or anyone for that matter; because I love you. Even when you did the unspeakable, I still loved you. You were my best friend. That meant the commitment to me. That meant loyalty and unconditional love. Until it didn’t to you.

I kept choosing you when I should have been choosing me. Well, now, I choose me.

I stand by my decision in deciding we aren’t friends anymore, but it will hurt me every day. I just know that it will hurt less than it did desperately try to save our friendship, trying to save you. You have made it clear that to you, our friendship isn’t worth saving. You have made it clear that you don’t want to be saved. So, I have no choice but to let go. I have nothing to hold on to anymore.

Despite how it has ended, I still thank you. Thank you for our years of friendship. Thank you for all of the amazing memories — memories that I, to this day, can’t imagine being topped. Thank you for showing me what true friendship is and what it isn’t. Thank you for teaching me how to be selfless, how to be forgiving and how to be a loyal friend. Most of all, thank you for being the person who finally pushed me to choose myself.

Love,

The Best Friend You Pushed Away

Cover Image Credit: YouTube

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A Letter To My Best Friend On Valentine's Day

Because you are my ultimate Valentine.
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To my beautiful best friend,

Warning: This letter is about to get extremely cheesy. I am talking four cheese lasagna cheesy. But no one deserves a love letter like this more than you do.

This Valentine’s Day, I want to express my love for you. On this wondrous occasion with which most people express their love to their significant other, I want to tell you, my best friend, how much I cherish our friendship.

SEE ALSO: A Valentine's Day Love Letter To My Girl Best Friends

You are the ultimate love of my life. Boys have come and gone but you remain a constant; for that I am grateful. You have been there for me when my family could not be; for that I am grateful. You have been my backbone, my rock, and all those other clichés people use to describe the people they care about, and yet you have been so much more than that as well; for that I am grateful.

All my love this Valentine’s Day goes out to you, my friend, because you do not receive it enough. You have picked me up out of the dirt, brushed me off, and kissed my wounds more times than I can count, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that, but I am sure am going to try.

Thank you for the midnight cries. Thank you for the midnight laughs. Thank you for ordering way too much food with me and still just eating it all. Thank you for the advice, both solicited and unsolicited. Thank you for telling me what I need to hear, even when it isn’t what I want to hear. Thank you for the silly pictures. Thank you for the stupid inside jokes. Thank you for making bad decisions with me. Thank you for laughing with me and laughing at me. Thank you for the endless memories.

SEE ALSO: An Open Letter to the Best Friend I've Ever Had

More than anything, I want you to know that I love you. I love you. You are the family I get to choose, the one I go to when I have nowhere else to turn. You are the one I know I can always run to, whether we saw each other yesterday or haven’t seen each other in a year. You have played a part in molding who I am as a person, and I am so grateful for having such an amazing person affecting my life in such a positive way.

With all the love in my heart,

Your friend
Cover Image Credit: https://www.facebook.com/natalie.pederson.5/photos

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Wherever You Go, There You Are

Why running away, staying away and moving away won't solve your problems

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I was reading an article the other day and it was basically the author responding to some backlash she received from people telling her, if she had so many issues living where she is, why doesn't she just move.

To put it in context, she initially wrote about a lack of access to parental leave and child-care in her area. Her response, to the backlash, was that she's built a life where she is. She has a good job, a family, and a mortgage.

Her ultimate point was how come people think, that moving and starting over somewhere new could be so easy. But my takeaway was, how come people think that packing up and leaving is the answer to any problem.

It's Just Avoidance

Finding yourself in a situation that you can't make heads or tails out of, is normal. Not knowing what move is the right move, is normal. But thinking you can run off and it will be over and done with, is not. Whatever reason you think is good enough to call it quits and dip, is not. That's not triumph, it's avoidance, it's giving up and caving in. It might not feel like it, at least not at first.

Blinded by Novelty

When you've made the move and settled in. You start embracing you're new surroundings and meeting new people. It can truly feel like you're starting life over, starting anew. This can be an incredibly empowering feeling. You may be thinking that this time around, you're in control of your life and are confident with the path forward. Which may be true, but it's a reality that's short lived if you haven't come to terms with the troubles from your past.

Old Baggage Returns

Things could be going great in the beginning, but that'll probably only last in the short term. Because the past catches up to you eventually. The more you try to bypass or escape your issues, the harder and faster they come back to bite you in the ass.

The truth is no matter how hard you try, you can't outrun the past. Especially if you haven't taking the time to analyze the situation and pinpoint the problem. That's why you're running away. It's not the need to go find yourself or because you're current situation is so poor that you MUST get out. At least it's not likely to be. It's because you're facing a problem that you can't solve.

Danger and Opportunity

Oddly enough, that's the first step to solving it. There's a blessing in not knowing how to tackle a problem. The best way to go about it however is to be mindful of the situation. Which is not easy, by any stretch of the word. It means putting emotions aside and looking for logical solutions. Sometimes there is no logic in our mess, in our trouble, although there's always a solution. One that involves making a choice. Just focus on that, whether or not you know the right one.

Make the wrong one and you'll learn, but if it's right, you'll have peace. Either way you're moving forward. I believe Oprah said it best, "do the right thing, you'll know it's the right thing because in the end there'll be peace". Focus on finding peace where you are now. Then it will be easier to take that peace with you, wherever you go.

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