I have a serious question for you: when did it get so popular to never know what you’re doing in life? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a college student who is frequently in a state of mental confusion and exhaustion and do not have my life ‘figured out’ by any stretch of the imagination. I understand how it is and how overwhelming it can be to be a young adult in the world today. Honestly, I feel you. But that doesn’t mean I’m any less concerned.

College students in particular seem to really bond over their ‘fly-by-the seat-of-your-pants’ lifestyle choices. I can guarantee you that if you want to strike up a conversation with a random person on campus, talking about how stressed you are about classes and mentioning that you haven’t studied for that huge exam yet will absolutely get you a response. And what’s more, I know that if a student mentions how hard she’s been studying lately and how she just got the internship she’s been working toward for months, at least one person will have the initial reaction of “Ugh.” Because in this ridiculously confusing world we live in, hearing that someone else has been able to achieve something with planning and hard work tends to trigger immediate resentment—how dare she succeed so much more than I have? I thought we were riding the struggle-bus together?!

Now to be clear, I’m not criticizing those who like to keep their planning minimal and ‘go with the flow’ while they do their best to seize every opportunity that comes their way—no. I’m talking about that group of people—myself included—who, instead of creating opportunities to achieve happiness and success for ourselves, continue to live life in a constant blur with no direction and no concrete plans to make our existence better. We then justify this by saying, “Well, no one knows what they’re doing right now, so this is OK.” And I’m here to say what no one really wants to hear: this is absolute crap and we know it.

By refusing to make any kind of plans for my future, I am allowing myself to remain stagnant. When I choose to watch YouTube videos instead of studying, I am assuring that I will have a stressful evening that night before my exam and then will accept the mediocre grade that I would inevitably get as ‘my best,’ even though that’s not even close to my actual best. For most of us, just saying “it will all work out eventually” and changing nothing about the way we conduct ourselves in everyday life will do absolutely nothing to help things “work out eventually”—but that is what we do. It actually makes me worry every time I hear people bond over statements like, “I don’t even know what I’m doing right now,” or “I’m a garbage human being,” because by agreeing that you’re both directionless garbage cans, you’re basically saying, “It’s totally OK to not even attempt to reach your full potential and find happiness, because I’m not either.” As someone who actually wants the people around her to live fulfilled lives, this scares me.

So here’s the deal—I want us to stop romanticizing the idea of living a chaotic, directionless life. Just because it seems like no one has any idea what they want or what they’re doing doesn’t mean that’s necessarily the most productive way to be a human. I’m not saying we all need to come up with blueprints and diagrams that we’ll stick to like glue for the rest of our existences—just deciding to take responsibility for our actions and claim our lives as our own is an excellent way to start.

Stop being so afraid of making plans and taking actual chances—use that inner courage that you might use to do something regrettable at a house party and instead put it toward calling up that dream company you’ve always wanted to get an internship at but never thought you were qualified enough for. Don’t procrastinate on your studies or important paperwork because you never know when having it done ahead of time will result in an opportunity you would have otherwise missed. Find hobbies that both make you happy and yield some kind of physical, tangible reward—like painting or poetry—so you don’t spend all your free time on the internet and end up with nothing to show for it. Work on yourself now so you don’t find yourself stranded in the middle of nowhere somewhere in the future because your tornado of a life suddenly stopped turning and dropped you, alone and helpless, in a field of more stress and confusion.

And if you’re still stuck in that mindset that your life is out of your control and that you’re a garbage human being who doesn’t know what the actual hell you’re doing, remember: You are a garbage CAN, not a garbage CAN’T.