10 Questions I Still Have For The Guy Who Messaged Me

10 Questions I Still Have For The Guy Who Messaged Me

It's been a year and I still don't know.
515
views

Why did you message me?

Of all things, this is really what I want to know, because everything else happened because of this. I bet you didn't know that my heart skipped a beat and my chest filled with an overwhelming warm, happy feeling that I hadn't felt in a long time.

You probably didn't realize how much it took to respond in an excited but calm manner, while on the inside my mind was going 100 miles an hour trying to process. A guy I was interested in was interested enough to start a conversation with me.

Everything was going fine until suddenly it wasn't.

1. Why did you say things that made me feel special?

You told me I was attractive and laughed at my puns, responding with your own. You made me smile and actually laugh, not just type out the letters in a text message to fill space. We connected. We watched movies, talked, went over likes and dislikes. You walked me to the car, even in the rain, and you insisted on going to find that little umbrella you'd never had the chance to use for the occasion. You said you wanted to see me, that you'd visit while I was attending classes, but that never happened. Eventually you said you wanted to hang out again, and we did, but it was suddenly different.

2. How could you make me feel like I was worth having, only to make me feel like a burden the next day?

You flattered me, just by taking the time to hold a conversation. You complimented me, encouraged me, learned about me, and let me ask questions about you, too. You never forced me to answer, and vice versa. The only difference was that when I talked, you didn't seem to take the time to remember anything about me or what I said.

I don't think you knew that I'd never had a serious relationship. You flirted with me, greeted me with a hug (which I returned, a big thing as I`m not a touchy feely kind of person), held my hand (again, odd that I didn't have a personal space issue), and cared enough to make sure I got home okay. I hadn't had someone like you in my life before. No one had ever asked me if something was okay and actually wanted an answer. It was amazing to me that you would really respect me and my decisions. You also respected my morals and recognized them. You didn't push against them and you helped me stick to them. All I can think is that maybe they pushed you away somehow.

3. Why did you decide to go?

I remember the day, the day after my birthday (on which you didn't send me two silly words that would have somehow made you ignoring me okay) to be exact. I contacted you, fed up with the situation. I said I had a question, and upon asking, your response was not what I wanted, however it was also what I already knew deep down based on your actions. You didn't want to get hopes up on either side and you couldn't see it working based on who knows what, because you wouldn't tell me anything aside from that. Then, radio silence.

4. What made you become so distant?

One day you're responding, the next you disappear off the face of the earth. What happened to our ridiculous conversations that made my days seem a little brighter? You still haven't told me why you decided (without telling me) that we needed distance between us. For some reason friends wasn't even good enough for you. It was all or nothing, and you chose for me. I didn't hear from you for almost three months other than on Snapchat (which doesn't count as you never responded after I did). Silly me would answer, only to see later that it had been viewed three hours ago and that was that, leaving a little piece of my heart crushed each time.

5. Was friends really not an option?

That, I still don't understand, along with other things. I thought it was possible but you didn't want to give it a chance. All you did was ignore my attempts at normalcy.

6. Do you know what all of this did to me?

I bet you didn't realize that I replay moments, conversations, actions, movements, over and over in my head, wondering where I went wrong -- what I did to make you so distant. I blamed myself for all of it, even the parts I couldn't have controlled. I felt the overwhelming guilt of this, believing that I had turned you away from me when I didn't do anything wrong.

7. Why did you come back into my life and get my hopes up?

Those two or three months you lived in my memory, stole my sleep, tore up my confidence, and caused rain to roll down my cheeks on the nights there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

When you came back, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I regained a friend I had lost. I thought the worst was over and that we could finally find a place that worked for now. So much for that.

8. Why did you decide to leave again?

It's been a couple weeks now, maybe more, and the most I get is a hello. It stings more than the cold shoulder. I feel like you pity me, and I am not a charity case. I was just fine until you turned my world upside down and inside out.

9. Did you get what you wanted out of it?

I sure didn't. I asked that we be civil, not strangers. I wanted someone to talk with, to ask questions, to be encouraged in my faith, and to chase answers with. I wanted a friend I could rely on, who would go on spur of the moment adventures, but there is a certain level of commitment involved in friendship, and it seems even that minimal amount was too much for you.

10. Now do you know what I want?

I want to be able to let go as easily as you did. At least I`m trying to convince myself that it is. If you can walk away and feel nothing, I want to do the same (but for some reason I can`t). I can't keep fighting this battle with myself. I am slowly giving up this dream, giving in to reality, and the fact of the matter is, you're done with whatever this was so it seems, and I need to be as well. It won't be easy, no, it has already been a roller-coaster. I find myself asking "what if" questions all the time, trying to pick the right path to go down next.


You know, people say "there are other fish in the sea". In the past few weeks, I've found there actually might be. Maybe those fish aren't good enough, maybe they are, but I won`t know unless I cast the line out again. And again. You can't expect different results if you keep fishing in the same spot, waiting for that nibble to turn into a bite.

The next fish might not be you. They might be similar. They might be different. I don't know which is better at this point. Until the right one swims into sight I`ll be waiting patiently, (more or less,) and I`ll know. With any luck it won`t be another one of these hook, line, and sinker scenarios.

Cover Image Credit: The Guidance Girl

Popular Right Now

I Went To "The Bachelor" Auditions

And here's why you won’t be seeing me on TV.
20666
views

It’s finally time to admit my guilty pleasure: I have always been a huge fan of The Bachelor.

I can readily admit that I’ve been a part of Bachelor fantasy leagues, watch parties, solo watching — you name it, I’ve gone the whole nine yards. While I will admit that the show can be incredibly trashy at times, something about it makes me want to watch it that much more. So when I found out that The Bachelor was holding auditions in Houston, I had to investigate.

While I never had the intention of actually auditioning, there was no way I would miss an opportunity to spend some time people watching and check out the filming location of one of my favorite TV shows.

The casting location of The Bachelor, The Downtown Aquarium in Houston, was less than two blocks away from my office. I assumed that I would easily be able to spot the audition line, secretly hoping that the endless line of people would beg the question: what fish could draw THAT big of a crowd?

As I trekked around the tanks full of aquatic creatures in my bright pink dress and heels (feeling somewhat silly for being in such nice clothes in an aquarium and being really proud of myself for somewhat looking the part), I realized that these auditions would be a lot harder to find than I thought.

Finally, I followed the scent of hairspray leading me up the elevator to the third floor of the aquarium.

The doors slid open. I found myself at the end of a large line of 20-something-year-old men and women and I could feel all eyes on me, their next competitor. I watched as one woman pulled out her travel sized hair curler, someone practiced answering interview questions with a companion, and a man (who was definitely a little too old to be the next bachelor) trying out his own pick-up lines on some of the women standing next to him.

I walked to the end of the line (trying to maintain my nonchalant attitude — I don’t want to find love on a TV show). As I looked around, I realized that one woman had not taken her eyes off of me. She batted her fake eyelashes and looked at her friend, mumbling something about the *grumble mumble* “girl in the pink dress.”

I felt a wave of insecurity as I looked down at my body, immediately beginning to recognize the minor flaws in my appearance.

The string hanging off my dress, the bruise on my ankle, the smudge of mascara I was sure I had on the left corner of my eye. I could feel myself begin to sweat. These women were all so gorgeous. Everyone’s hair was perfectly in place, their eyeliner was done flawlessly, and most of them looked like they had just walked off the runway. Obviously, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I walked over to the couches and sat down. For someone who for the most part spent most of the two hours each Monday night mocking the cast, I was shocked by how much pressure and tension I felt in the room.

A cop, stationed outside the audition room, looked over at me. After a brief explanation that I was just there to watch, he smiled and offered me a tour around the audition space. I watched the lines of beautiful people walk in and out of the space, realizing that each and every one of these contestants to-be was fixated on their own flaws rather than actually worrying about “love.”

Being with all these people, I can see why it’s so easy to get sucked into the fantasy. Reality TV sells because it’s different than real life. And really, what girl wouldn’t like a rose?

Why was I so intimidated by these people? Reality TV is actually the biggest oxymoron. In real life, one person doesn’t get to call all the shots. Every night isn’t going to be in a helicopter looking over the south of France. A real relationship depends on more than the first impression.

The best part of being in a relationship is the reality. The best part about yourself isn’t your high heels. It’s not the perfect dress or the great pick-up lines. It’s being with the person that you can be real with. While I will always be a fan of The Bachelor franchise, this was a nice dose of reality. I think I’ll stick to my cheap sushi dates and getting caught in the rain.

But for anyone who wants to be on The Bachelor, let me just tell you: Your mom was right. There really are a lot of fish in the sea. Or at least at the aquarium.

Cover Image Credit: The Cut

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

The 5 Types of Retail Customers

A run-down on the many forms of customers you either encounter as a retail employee or are guilty of being.

629
views

We all get summer jobs or seasonal jobs at some place to get that extra cash when we find ourselves broke after spending $300+ on Ubers/Lyfts in under a month (possibly speaking from personal experience). This in turn led me to broaden my job searching horizons and led me to work at a fast food chain that goes by the name of 'Salsaritas' (ironic since my nickname is Salsa, also was not intentional) and currently a retail store at a local mall. So, I guess it's safe to say that I have come across a lot of different people with a whole lot of personality. Working in these types of industries, it can sometimes be really hard and pretty interesting. So voila, here we go:

1. The Always Angry Customer

media1.giphy.com

This is the customer that is constantly angry. They walk in pissed off and they want everyone else to know that they are pissed off. This type of customer also uses at least one of these following sentences: "Let me talk to your manager. Who's your manager?" or the "How long have you been working here for?" Honestly, there's not much you can do to help them other than try to just do what they ask for and get them the hell out of there as quickly as possible.

2. The Messy Customer

media0.giphy.com

Easily one of the most annoying types of customers (sorry). This person will walk and run their hands through an entire counter or rack full of perfectly folded clothes, unfold them, and then just leave them on the counter or on the floor. They also have the "it's fine, it's their job to fold them" mentality. Honestly though, how hard is it to put a jacket or shirt back on a hanger? And if you're this type of customer please, please, please, put what you found back where it came from. Sincerely, every retail employee ever.

3. The Super Nice Customer

media1.giphy.com

This customer is god-send and thank god that they exist. They are the ones who you can just tell are genuinely good people. New at work and don't know how the hell to ring up a customer at a register? No worries, they'll wait there patiently, smile at you, and occasionally tell you that "you're doing great sweetie." They treat you like you're not just a retail employee and at the end of the day, you just wanna give them a hug for making your day feel less shitty.

4. The Talkative Customer

media3.giphy.com

There's two parts to this one. This type of customer is either talking on the phone while you're ringing them up at the register or is just trying to get to know literally everything there is to know about you. If they're on the phone, it's impossible to know if they're responding to you or to the person who they're on the phone with. The worst part is when they hold up one finger to signal to you that they'll be just a minute and leave you to just awkwardly stand in front of them while trying not to listen to their entire conversation. The other part is when they just want to get to know you which is cute and all until they're just trying to analyze your entire background, where you're from, what you're studying, etc. Luckily if you're like me who wasn't born in the U.S. with a very ethnic name, you just scored yourself a talkative customer. Well done and good luck getting out of the conversation!

5. The Last Minute Customer

media3.giphy.com

Imagine that you just did an 8 hour shift and right when you're about to clock out and head out to go home, you see a customer walking in literally a minute or two before the whole mall is about to close. They'll probably ask you if you're about to close even though they can see that there's not a single person inside there other than you. They'll also probably tell you that they know exactly what they're looking for. It's never true and get ready for that OT. But hey, on the bright-side, you'll get a fat pay-check.


So, the next time you find yourself at a mall...Remind yourself to pick up something you might've accidentally dropped, keep in mind that workers are human beings too, and kindness goes a long way because at the end of the day, that employee could be one of your loved ones.

Until next time,

Salsa.


Related Content

Facebook Comments