Yes, I know, there are many reasons to break up. You probably have read similar articles on “what went wrong”? But I invite you to take a look at those reasons from a different perspective. And please don’t send this to your ex, it is not about what went wrong in the past, it is about how to build your next/current relationship on a stronger foundation so it doesn't go wrong again.
Miscommunication - Lack of silence
Even though we live in a world where we can communicate through many channels, miscommunication is the biggest issues in relationships today. But what does miscommunication mean? Is it lack of conversation or limited verbal interaction? Is it an introverted/extroverted issue? Does it happen when we don’t speak the same language?
The fact is that 70 percent of our communication happens with body language and gestures. Yes, 70 percent of happiness, affection, dissatisfaction, anger, etc. can be conveyed without a word. So words don’t actually play a significant role in your relationship; couples start to grow apart when they fail to (or not care to) read the signs. Many couples who are in a long and enduring relationship claim that nonverbal communication is what makes them stronger and what makes them unique. However, it doesn’t mean that you should sit in silence and bury your problems or thoughts into your heart. The process of getting to know each other starts with words, but action speaks louder than words in the long run.
Disrespect - Lack of value
Now this is a tricky subject. When we think about respect, we think about opening the doors, pulling out the chair, using kind words, etc. However, respect is not an action, it is a value - the value that you give to the other person. When you look at the matter this way, your actions automatically change. You see, opening the door is the end-result of what the other person thinks of you. Let me give you an example; you are visiting his/her parents, and you are not happy about that (the nightmare of many couples). If you have respect for your partner, in other words if your partner’s happiness is valuable to you, you make things easier. But if you think of respect as an action, your body language will give away more than you wish to do so. The truth is all the “would you, could you, pretty please sugar on top” may go away as you get comfortable with each other it doesn’t mean he/she is not respecting you anymore. Disrespect becomes apparent when your worries and happiness stays in the same gray area for your partner.
Failure to identify yourself - Lack of knowledge on thyself
It is so tempting to display yourself different than who you really are for the sake of being loved. It may seem innocent in the beginning, but it may lead you to a disaster. Simply because the parts you were dishonest about may be crucial to the other person. Okay, we all know this so far. But here is a question; do you really know who you are and what you want? Do you know how many couples break up because they decide he/she is not “the one” they were looking for? Really? The truth is, to be able to find “the one,” you need to find yourself first.
Many people get confused by media, parents, friends or whoever is most influential in their lives about who they will be happy with. They fail to listen to themselves and pick a partner whom they think will get the most approval. You don't believe me? Compare your checklist with your closest friend. Projecting yourself differently is an issue, but identifying yourself according to who you think you should be is way bigger and an underestimated problem for you and your relationship.
The weak anchor - Lack of reason
We all start a relationship with someone for some reason. There are “musts” in our books. But what is your reason? Money? The look? Status? We all know that anything measurable is subject to change, right? If you don’t, let me tell you, it will. She will get old; he will get fired, and even worse, one of you may get sick or physically challenged. What keeps you together then? Many couples go through hardship as life is not a rose garden and rainbows all the time. In these situations, strong couples go back to the roots and the solid reasons of why they were together. Many couples who are happily ever after claim that their reasons are; shared values, moral understandings, and mutual trust. If you realize, the same religion, race, background and intelligence level is not mentioned as reasons for a union. The relationships are not and should not be based on what you were born into and what you can’t change.
When the butterflies die, and the dark clouds start accumulating, you know the blizzard of break up is coming soon. You also know it will make you feel miserable for a while, and it will pass. Going through a breakup, no matter how you feel initially, is the easiest part of a relationship. However, staying together is truly an art. The question is; are you willing to be an artist or weather man/woman?
