I am a female undergrad struggling through her 20’s. I’m in a sorority and I am active in academic clubs on my campus. I like coffee, 80’s romcoms and rock music, I’ve been single for four years, and I was very recently stood up on a date. I won’t parade my lackluster romantic past into the light, for the safety of myself and others, but it suffices to say there has been a long line of “nope" all across the board. And yet, failed attempt after failed attempt has still left me craving romance in a way I know does not correlate with my experiences or future prospects.

If you already assume this is just another single girl writing an article complaining about how she can’t get a boyfriend, you wouldn’t be too far off the mark, I suppose. But I’m aiming to take this a bit further. You see, this isn’t about my sexual deviancy, or lack there of. This is not an outlet for me to complain about how douchey boys and asshole personalities are abundant; if we are being truthful, we can discern that it is mostly my fault for seeking a type inherently destructive to my nature. No, what I aim to parse out within these next few hundred words is a realization I came upon while contemplating my general lack of allure and generation of male interest. I’m looking into the phenomena of wedding planning pinterest boards.

I won’t take the time to explain a pinterest wedding board, because if you haven’t heard of them you probably live under a rock without internet access, in which case I am curious as to how you came across this article, and as to why you’re still reading. But for those of us in the habit of scouring frothy white dresses and Tiffany cut diamonds, rarely, if ever, do we take a step back to look at our plans and think of the implications of these rituals. We have taken the childhood dream of fairy tale fulfillment and transformed it into a digestible form for adult consumption and obsession.

Of course, this desire comes from the societal pressure that tells us we must, as women, aim to find success within the realm of the romantic, and that we should aspire to cultivate our families like crops from which we gain sustenance. Traditionally, our culture places the highest value on a woman with a solid family unit, though we have adapted our expectations to include a host of other requirements in order to gain commendable status. In order to have a successful life, we must now have “it all”: family, career, fitness, and grace. And a picturesque ceremony to represent them in their highest ability.

Obviously this is all my own opinion. Maybe others were raised in a community with a completely different mind set, and were told from an early age that all you really needed in life was whatever made you happy, disregarding of societal approval. But my childhood occurred in the typical southern small town setting, and despite any deviations my parents raised me to abide by, I still found myself caught in the mainstream. It has only been under recent investigation on my own motivations that I discovered the poisonous thoughts that trailed behind in the remnants of that past.

I may never get married. I may never find that someone I want to be with for the rest of my life, bound together in legal contracts and finalized by a ceremony trimmed with family dysfunctions and a severely depleted savings account. This doesn’t mean I don’t wish for these things. Do I want a wedding? Of course. Do I think marriages, weddings, or any other symbolic representation of continuous monogamy are dangerous to our society? No, that would be ridiculous. Do I think these ideals are dangerous to my mental health at the current stage of my life? Yes.

The facts are these: I am a single woman, but most importantly, I am a single woman studying her ass off to earn a degree in the field of study she loves. As of now, I don't see that status changing anytime soon, and I am not sure if it will be a maintainable change once if does, as I have no experience with which to judge my capacity for commitment. I shouldn’t be basing my future on other’s goals, when they so obviously may not be the most compatible with mine.

Your life should not be lived like low budget slasher film, every moment filled with the anxiety of anticipation while you wait for the next move, leaving no time for true development or minute character differentiation. I have always jumped from one Big Event to the next, never capitalizing on the focus of experiencing each day as it comes, but now I think it’s time to re-prioritize based on my own desires.

I've decided to replace my wedding board, with its 200 pins that were so lovingly searched for and hand selected over the span of three years, with boards about backpacking, health, travel, yoga, and more. Something a little more spontaneous, a little less structured that gives my life room to breathe and form into its own space. Maybe it is silly to see a pinterest remodel as a personal revolution, but maybe that is my intention. Maybe its high time I found my own measures of achievement.

If you have found yourself at the end of this novel of an article with something resonating inside of you, I encourage you to listen to it. Maybe it calls you to delete your own mass distributed fantasies. Maybe it has helped you realize you don't care what some random girl on the internet thinks about your dreams. In both cases, I hope you hold onto that thought and let it motivate you onto fulfilling the rest of your ambitions, allowing you to discover the entire world of new ones that await your spark.