Expectations vs. Reality. Love vs. Lust. Talking vs. Exclusive. Hookup Buddy vs. Boyfriend/Girlfriend. Netflix and Chill vs. Actual Movie Date. All of these comparisons are constant things that young people this day and age are currently dealing with. Dating in the present society is so messed up it is unbelievable. How boys and girls consistently treat each other, act differently around others, and overall go about the means of having a relationship is brutal. And I am just plain sick of it. I am sick of hearing my parents talk about how they met each other when they were 17 and are still together at the age of 52. I am over hearing my grandparents stories about how they met at the diner, he took her to the dance and he never took his eyes off her for the rest of his life. And I am MOST DEFINITELY tired of seeing how the dating culture has changed in 2016 and so many girls (and boys) get hurt. Although these stories I hear from my family and friends about how they began to “go steady” are heartwarming, they also aggravate me because of how twisted today’s society is. Nothing about our culture (for the most part) is anything similar to how dating culture was back in our parents day. And why is that? Dating was so much easier back then AND look how happy most of those couples from the past are?

Now, I know I am probably one of the worst examples when it comes to dating, but I also have seen so many people go through this chaos and I have been through much of it myself that I figured it is time to point out the madness. It is time to finally address all the corruption in the dating world and why it is slowing destroying us.

Social Media ruins everything

Did your boyfriend post a picture of you two lately? Why didn’t he? Does he not like you anymore? Or is he just not into it? Is he scared to show you off? Or are you overthinking? Do you post a picture of the boy you are “talking to”? Or does that seem to eager? Or if you don’t… will he think you aren’t serious? Or are you overthinking? Why did he like that girls picture or tweet? Is he into her? Or does he just like everyone’s pictures? Your laying in bed and your crush gets a snapchat, who is it from? Do you even want to know? Who are his top friends? Maybe your “yellow heart” on snapchat recently removed, is he snapping another girl? Or again, are you just overthinking?

Writing that whole topic literally just made me want to pick my keyboard up and chuck it across my desk at work. However, this is what we've accepted as “dating” in 2016. We all get so caught up in being displayed as someone else’s “girl” that we forget about actually trusting someone and just believing their word. Social media has began to control our lives, because us girls (and sometimes guys) are looking for subliminal messages or subtweets to give us any intel of what the other person is thinking, what type of date a girl wants to go on, or even why that girl is mad. As a culture, we have began to overanalyze every single situation and create problems that really are not even problems. And I am 100% guilty for doing this. I learned the hard way that social media is not worth it, especially in a good relationship. In one of the best relationships I had, I constantly was worried about what he was posting, who he was snapping/texting, and why other girls would comment certain things. We both really liked eachother but I RUINED it because I became brainwashed by today’s society instead of trusting like couples used to. He made it clear that he liked me and was with just me, so why did I have to push for more always? It was like nothing was ever good enough for me. And it is because we have these dumb twitter accounts and stupid thoughts in our head that make us think boys need to do SO MUCH for us when in reality we are losing their minds in social media. We've become cowards, hiding behind our phones and computers and not really saying what we want to. We are too nervous to say how we actually feel. “Settling” for a favorite on twitter as a form of interest instead being asked out on a date is what our world has come to. What happened to talking face to face and saying, "I want to be with you and I want to make this work," or "This relationship is worth fighting for. Tell me what we need to do to make this work." What happened to trust, and most of all, why are we letting social media determine how people really feel.

Talking vs. Being a Thing vs. Dating

“Are they dating?” “No, they are just talking.” “Well are they exclusive?” “No, they haven’t made that commitment yet, they are just a thing as of now..” “How come he will be exclusive but won’t date her?”

The phrase “talking” has GOT to be the most dumb phrase on this planet. What even is talking? I talk to probably 100 people in a day, and I definitely would not want to date nearly almost all of them! And the title “thing” is even more ridiculous because what is that? That is probably the most terrible proper noun used to describe a couple ever. But here we are, constantly asking our friends the questions stated above. In my parents day, there was "dating," where you could go on dates and really figure out what you wanted. You could date a few people at a time. Go to a movie with one guy this week and it didn’t work out so you try someone else the next week. It wasn’t a big deal. You didn’t hookup on the first date, you probably did not even kiss, you just got to know the other person. And then, there was "going steady,"and that meant you were exclusive. It's so hard to get past the "talking" phase nowadays, and we're still left with the same emotional pain because of how much we get led on through texting and snapchat and all these different electronics that we always get our hopes up.

Committing

I struggled a lot with this when I was this past year or so, and I know a lot of others do too. It isn’t hard to commit but it really is hard with how our society now is making “independence” the new thing. Society is telling us that we should keep our options open and see what is all out there before we settle down. Even though I am all for being an independent girl I also think it is important to have someone supporting you. Being independent does not mean that you cannot have a significant other. All that means is you do not need to rely on them for every single thing you do, but you can still do things together. I think that it's great that we don't necessarily have this pressure to marry young anymore but, what I've discovered is that this mindset has become damaging. People are afraid to commit to another person because they're always looking for the next best thing, always wondering if there is someone who could be a little better for them or their style. We don't want to be tied down, which I understand, but it has led to us getting into bad habits, and making excuses for when there is potential for something great. Not everyone is going to be 100% your type, but you need to learn to love their flaws, not push them away for the one aspect you do not like.

All in all, the three above statements are what is corrupting our dating culture. I get that in relationships, it's good to be selfish. You've got to do what is going to be best for you; I am a full supporter of that. But when you only begin to think of yourself, and your needs, and your desires, that's when we run into problems. We may have become "too selfish." I'm not saying to become selfless, but being conscious of the other person's feelings is still important. Know that what you say and do can affect others.

When you're young, you don't need to have everything figured out. I can attest to that and I can also attest to screwing a lot of good relationships up. Relationships and love are hard, and we get our hearts broken, and we break people’s hearts, but it can also lead to the start of something amazing. But when we've got pop culture emulating "playing the field" with "side hoes" and "I like you but I don't want anything serious," it creates a whole big mess. I'm real over the immature and petty behavior we now call dating. Stop leading people on and figure out what you want. If you want to be with someone, then tell them. Take the first step. Be open and honest and be willing to grow as an individual, regardless of if you're in a relationship or just "talking."

I was recently on twitter and I ran into a few quotes that I want all people to remember to help make the dating culture a little better than what it is becoming:

1. “Your life will get better when you realize it's better to be alone than to chase people who don't really care about you.”
2. “Just be straightforward with people, life is too short to be dropping hints and playing games.”
3. “Stay away from people who make you feel like you are hard to love.”
4. “Never choose someone who has to hesitate between you and another person.”
5. “No one is sent by accident to anyone.”

We learn lessons from everyone and every relationship we are involved in. So if we just take the time to try and implement even just a few of these things in our lives, then we might be able to turn this dating culture around.