Why I Chose Not To Be Your "Option"

I am not an option. I am not object to be showcased when loneliness creeps in and you need someone to fill the space. You asked to go slow and while respecting that I still gave you my all. You got my undivided attention; you got my time, and my patience. Now it is time I learn to give myself that attention again.

I am not an option and if that is how the game is played to you, I am removing myself from your options. This was never supposed to be a game, a guessing game where I had to play “is he into me.” It was supposed to be easy, it was suppose to just be two people enjoying company for whom they were not to fill voids. I am not just another person that gets to be lined up at your door only for you to have the final say on what this is. I deserve more. I deserve the respect to be looked at further than a string of conversation in your messages, more respect than a question of where I am at 1 a.m.

I am not an option, and the right one won’t ever consider me that. You can run around the bush and ask for all the time in the world, tell me you are working on yourself, play all your cards right to give just enough but never what I deserve to keep me around, but I have never been the type that waits on another. Maybe you haven’t met a girl before who developed her own goals, who knew her own worth, and never had to fill loneliness, but we do exist and we know when a guy is capable of putting effort in. I was never an option; I will never give the power to another man to decide whether or not I am enough for him to slow down with. You either want it or you don’t, it is that simple there are no need for games to blur the lines.

I am not an option, and I will take myself from the running and never look back but I would be lying if I said I was not disappointed. I guess this was just another lesson, to teach me to understand different levels of maturity because a grown man won’t play on a girl’s emotions for his own comfort. You were just another test to test my self love, to test my strength on how long it will take me to learn when it is worth my time or when it is just another confused guy who is not strong enough to know what he wants.

I am no longer an option. I am free. I am not the one to entertain loneliness; I do not linger around only when you want my company. When the right one comes I will love and love fiercely but staying on this middle line is exhausting. You either love me or you don’t, love is not a gray middle ground it is a vibrant white light of definite. I hope you get everything you need figured out and learn to grow without entertaining the thoughts of girls to fill your own ego. I hope someday you see the right girl is the girl that actually does not need you but chooses you because she sees all the beautiful things you are, not because your company fills where she lacks. I hope when you finally grow up and are ready for that strong love that doesn’t play guessing games, you recognize it. Most importantly, I hope the other girls realize they are more than an option too.

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