Dear (insert person’s name here),
There are numerous reasons why we didn’t work out, and as much as I thought it was because of what you did, I realize I’m just as responsible. You may have been the one who took me for granted, treated me like a prospect, and disrespected me. But, I also let you. You were always a choice to me, and I was always just a fanciful option to you.
You were my highest high and my lowest low. I’ve never wanted to be more beautiful, fit, or enjoyable than when I was with you. But at the same time, I never felt uglier, more irritating, or more irrelevant. One minute, being with you made me feel vibrant, full of life, and extraordinary. Then the next, it was like all life was drained out of me. I thrived off your affirmation and crumbled at your discontent. I was in the dark, hanging on your every word and action, while you were embracing the light, relishing your independence.
You were the justification for lowering my standards. All my life I had been a firm believer in the “fairytale” relationship. The one that is immeasurably blissful and pure. But, unconsciously, you made me cut back on my expectations. You have made me be embarrassingly shocked when a guy holds the door open for me, when someone formally asks me out on a date, and when someone actually asks about my life story. I settled for the hope of being yours — and it was me who ended up hopeless.
The words “we’re not ready yet” and “I like things the way they are” became engrained in my brain. So, I held onto the hope that someday you would want me. It turns out, you didn’t want me -- not all of me at least. You just wanted to stay connected with me to enjoy the benefits. You knew I would always be there for you, and because of that, you used me. You understood I wouldn’t resist picking you up from a party at 3:00 a.m. You relished the endless compliments and encouragement I poured onto you. And, you had no trouble accepting my many gifts and pick-me-ups I gave you on your bad days. And now, whenever I become taken advantage of, you’re the reason why I say “I’m used to it.”
But, in the end, I’m honestly happy things happened the way they did. I’m glad that I allowed myself to feel vulnerable. I’m glad I liked someone unconditionally. I’m glad I was compassionate towards another human being. And I’m especially glad that your “I’m just not ready” very quickly turned into you finding your special someone else.
But, I have found that special someone too … me.
The way you broke me allowed me to find myself. I now know not to waste time on someone who isn’t worth my energy. I know I shouldn’t waste my feelings on someone who doesn’t value them. Who doesn’t value my time, kindness, or my heart. So thank you, for making me just an option to you. Because now, I know I deserve to be a choice.
