This isn't an article designed to put down anyone's breast size. This isn't a "perks of small boobs vs big boobs" debate. This is not an over-sexualized rendition of what I believe the "ideal" rack should look like. This is an appreciation post for big, little, female, male, trans, fake, natural, and mastectomized breasts.

This is a commentary on why breast size shouldn't matter because we have very little choice (unless you opt for augmentation) in what our boobs look like. This is, hopefully, the catalyst of original conversations.

Big boobs are wonderful. Small tits are beautiful. Female bazongaz are fun. Boy boobies are cute. Trans boobs are lit. Augmented breasts are artful. Natural racks are amazing. Boobs with stretch marks are cool. Breasts that have undergone mastectomies are badass.

Regardless of your gender, you've got a little bit of bilateral fat on your chest (yes, even "ripped" men have some subcutaneous fat, even if it's obscured by muscle.) Congratulations, we all have titties and it's awesome. Let's explore this topic with more scrutiny.

Personally, I'm a 34 B, which means that I can pretend to have boobs when I wear a push up bra; alternatively, I can go braless whenever I want. This is nothing profound or unique, but girls with my slightly petite frame are fetishized nonetheless, just like girls with massive melons and just like chubby boys with palpable breasts.

Breasts should never define a person: names like "bimbo", "twink", "femme", "cub", "pancake-chest", and more literally categorize humans into archetypes based on the concentration of fat on their bodies, particularly their chests.

For a culture so addicted to chest wall anatomy, we put down people for having "imperfect" breasts. Men with boobs are too feminine and inherently undesirable. Ladies with large breasts are doomed to sag, as if the effect of gravity is something to be ashamed about.

Women with small breasts might have perky features, but they resemble pre-pubescent children. (Fun fact, people with smaller breasts are more sensitive to foreplay.)

We don't have to shame men for having obvious boobs and we don't have to debate which cup size looks best on women. The bottom line is that all breasts are worth loving and we don't have to hate on them because literally all of us have enjoyed a pair of boobs at least once.

Side note, do a self breast exam while we're on the subject of titties.