I'll be honest with you: Up until about six months ago, being alone was probably one of the few things I was most afraid of. Maybe it was the complete sense of isolation, boredom, and knowing it was just me and my thoughts. Looking back, I genuinely think this fear stemmed from the classic lack of confidence and constant insecurity always looming over my head, just to name a few. It wasn't until a wise friend of mine told me during one of my freshman-year breakdowns at college that being alone is actually a good thing. They told me that eventually I would learn that being alone is healthy, and constantly needing attention wasn't. And as much as I hate to admit it, they were right.
This didn't come naturally, obviously. I am not one who "works the crowd" or automatically gets everyone's attention just by walking into a room; I would much rather stand on the side and not be the center of attention. I am comfortable this way, for better or for worse. Having fewer friends that really care about me, rather than the stereotypical large amount of acquaintances that don't really know much about me, has definitely made me feel lonely at times. But the most important lesson I learned out of all of this was that it's OK to feel lonely; it's just that no one really talks about it.
There is a distinction to be made, though, between actually being alone and feeling lonely. Being alone means that you are physically alone with no other people around, and feeling lonely is an emotional sense of isolation that is painful and negative. You can still be lonely and alone; loneliness is a feeling, not a physical state.
By being alone, I don't mean watching Netflix alone in your room. I mean actually being alone with your thoughts, and just your thoughts. You don't have to worry about what anyone else is doing or what they're not doing, all you have to do is worry about yourself. And wouldn't that be nice for a change? To do the things you have always wanted to do, but instead of dragging other people along, doing it by yourself?
I am not here to tell you how to be OK with being alone, or if you will ever really be OK with being alone. All I can say is that learning how to be alone was one of the best things I ever did for myself, even if that meant feeling lonely sometimes. You don't need constant simulation, despite what society tells you, and that's all there really is to it.
Go have a cup of coffee and read a book alone, go to a movie alone, or even go out to eat alone -- you would be amazed at how not lonely it really is.
