Why I Am Happy I Haven't Found My Prince Charming

Why I Am Happy I Haven't Found My Prince Charming

and why you should be too.

From the day I watched Cinderella, I have always dreamed of growing up and finding my prince charming. The first board I made on Pinterest was a (private) wedding board.

To say that I am excited to meet the “love of my life,” get married, eat toast with this man in our jammies, have kids, and fingers crossed grow old together, would be a very underwhelming word to describe how I feel.

After experiencing my first year in college, I didn’t meet this man (at least that I know of, please contact if you are aware).

I wasn’t swept off my feet when I walked into my first class and made eye contact with “the one,” but I did meet my soul mates—not in the way I thought I would.

I met the ones who can make me laugh until my stomach burns.

I met the ones who will drive 50 miles just to celebrate my birthday for a few hours.

I met the ones who will lay in my bed with me while I cry because something tragic happened (or a Grey’s character died).

I met the ones who make weird noises and let me sing at the top of my lungs without wanting to puncture my lungs.

I met the ones who will tell me when I am being absurd when I try to join 50 clubs or am chatting to loud.

I met the ones who say the exact same thing as me at the same time because we are 90 percent sure we have the same brain.

I met my soul mates.

Cheesy. Right?

But it is true.

I discovered that I don’t need this fairytale, princess life that has been instilled in me since I was three. Yes, it would be swell if I could come home to an incredible human being at night, but that isn’t what matters. What matters is finding the ones who keep you sane.

That is what a soul mate is, the one, prince charming, and however else you would describe it. It is the ones who are there for you at 2 a.m. when the world is crashing down around you.

The moment you realize that you don't need a man is quite freeing. I'm not saying this in a "I'm so bitter" way, but more in a "I don't care" way.

Soulmates are friends, not some romantic idea that lives in your imagination.

Having a boyfriend is great and amazing, but don’t ditch the ones who would drop everything to pick you up from the airport. Those are the ones to keep around.

I walked into college *kind of * thinking I would find the one and will walk out with multiple soul mates. How lucky am I that I haven’t found my prince charming, I found a whole slew of Disney characters to help me clean up my life.

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Why Have We Normalized Emotional Relationship Abuse?

Social Media Is Covering Up Relationship Abuse Now More Than Ever.

A few days ago, I was scrolling through social media, and I stopped on a post that quite literally stopped my heart for a moment. The post was a meme, with the sentence "My girlfriend isn't allowed to snapchat anyone unless I am in the photo." The meme had thousands of laugh reaction. Now of course, I understand that for many people, it can be a harmless joke, no worries there.

But for many others, it really isn't.

It's what they deal with in day to day life with their significant other. And I don't know about anyone else, but being someone who has been in an overbearingly controlling relationship before, I am really not okay with it.

Here's what gets to me the most; in this day and age, emotional dating abuse can pass as innocent joking, harmless jealousy and normal "couplish" bickering.

Unreasonable jealousy has become a normal trait in a partner. Cutting a person off from friends and family has become a common practice in relationships. Being denied access to a life outside of your partner isn't something that some people live without.

Signs of emotional relationship abuse is so alive in pop culture, but sadly, it goes unrecognized by 90 percent of the people who are around it.



Think about it, how often do you hear about a guy getting upset because his girlfriend got dressed up all nice and is going out with her friends? What about whenever you hear someone tell their significant other to stop texting one of their friends, simply because they can't control their own jealousy? And of course, we all have that friend who we know always gets a message from their significant other asking "Who's ___?" because they tagged them in something on facebook. Every time I see a meme on social media that has any of these themes in it, my heart drops to my feet. And somehow, it drops even lower when I see the amount of people tagging their significant other in it with the comment "babe, this is seriously you." And what is their partner's reply? "Yeah, it's because I love you."

Love? Really?


Here's the sad truth; these things may seem like harmless teasing, but underneath the surface, they can be so much more. Controlling someone is not a sign of love, and it is usually not a sign of anything healthy. While social media has become a means of having easier and more instant connections with people in your life, it has also become an easier way for abusers to control their partners, and have more ways to access every single detail of their life, and therefore finding more ways and reasons to be even more abusive. I've seen the trend of people making so many excuses for their behavior, and blaming it all on the fact that they are insecure, that they are just making sure that their partner is committed to them, and that they just love them...so much.
Here's the real truth:

That's not love.

Abusers now have easier access to controlling their partner's lives than ever. All they have to do is check their partner's phone without permission, block certain numbers on their phone without telling them, making derogatory comments about their partner and them deleting them, some even go as far as tracking their partner's internet usage.

While these behaviors may seem unimportant to some, here are the hard numbers:

One in three adolescents have experienced some form of abuse from a romantic partner.

More than 50 percent of college students report that even though they may have recognized early signs of relationship abuse from a friend in an abusive relationship, they were too afraid to overstep their boundaries to help them.

One in three college students report that their partner has demanded access to the passwords of their social media accounts, and have later used that access to manipulate them in some way.






Bottom line, emotional abuse isn't something that should be so heavily ignored, and it shouldn't be something that is so heavily promoted in social media. While most people report that they would step in and do something if they ever saw someone being emotionally manipulated or abused by their partner, more than half of them also report that they do not know how to recognize it. To help those who would like to be more aware of some common signs of emotional relationship abuse, here are a few examples.

1. They regularly use jokes, sarcasm, or insults to purposely make their partner feel bad.

2. They accuse their partner of being overly sensitive in order to continue making abuse remarks.

3. Whenever someone regularly needs to ask their partner for permission to hang out with someone, go to a group event, or even talk to somebody.

4. They lack the ability to recognize when they are wrong, and cannot laugh at themselves even though they may laugh at their partner.

5. Any frequent levels of disrespect for their partner, their partner's friends, and their partner's family.

6. They see their partner as an extension of themselves, and fail to recognize that their partner is an individual with a life outside of them.

7. They control and manipulate their partner's finances without prior permission and frequently tell their partner when they can an can't spend money.

8. They continuously point out their partner's flaws and failures.

9. They constantly make excuses for their abusive behavior, and try to blame other sources for their mistreatment of their partner.

10. If someone ever has a sudden change in behavior when it comes to socializing with friends, attending group events, or being themselves.

Abuse is abuse. One form of abuse is an easy pathway to other forms of it, and putting a hold on recognizing an abusive relationship can often have very unfortunate results; substance abuse, eating disorders, suicide attempts, and so much more. It's time that we stop normalizing and romanticizing dating abuse.

Controlling the person you are dating is not cute. Putting any restrictions on your significant other that limit them to a life that only revolves you is wrong. Most importantly, passing these things off as love and care is not true.

If you or someone you know has fallen victim to dating abuse, loveisrespect.org is a fantastic website that is full of support and resources to get out and get help. The youth dating abuse hotline is 1-866-331-9474.

Do not wait. Abuse is not a joke. It is not meme content. It is not okay and it is imperative to end it.





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There's Power In Waiting

Waiting to date doesn't make you a prude, it makes you smart.

Young girls in the dating world nowadays have it rough. If you date too much you’re a slut and if you don’t date at all you’re a prude. They are given these labels that, in most cases, couldn’t be further from the truth. I have first hand experience from this as I didn’t date until I was almost 20 years old. I’m here to tell you that it is okay to wait.

All through high school the only attention that I got from the opposite sex was of the friend variety or being ignored completely. Suffice to say, the dating pool for me wasn’t very big so I didn’t worry myself with the idea of having a boyfriend. For a while, I was fine with that until the end of my junior year and beginning of my senior year. I still wasn’t actively looking for a relationship but as time went on I grew embarrassed that I hadn’t had one or done anything intimate with the opposite sex.

It took my best friends and a lot of my family to tell me that I should be proud of waiting for a relationship and waiting to lose my virginity for that matter. Once I started college, the embarrassment, or shame, that I held went away. I was proud that I made the decision to let it happen in its own time.

Waiting, however, came with its challenges. With kids being so sexually active and boy/girl crazy these days it’s almost an abnormality if you are a virgin or if you don’t date.

There were times I was asked if I was a lesbian because of my lack of male companionship. I have no problem with lesbians, you like who you like, but just because I don’t have a boyfriend, it doesn’t mean that I’m suddenly a closeted lesbian. I mean wouldn’t I be bringing a lot of girls around then? Instead I wasn’t bringing anyone around because there was no one to bring around.

Then there were the people who thought I was a prude. I wasn’t. I just hadn’t taken that step yet. I had no problem with sex or people taking about sex I just hadn’t done it yet. To be honest, the more people thought this, the prouder I was of my decision.

Next is my favorite question that I was often asked, ‘Are you waiting for marriage?’ No, I wasn’t. Just because I chose to be a virgin for as long as I did doesn’t mean I was waiting for marriage. That would be like me saying ‘Are you trying to have a baby because that is what sex is for.’ Obviously, that’s not what teenagers would be thinking. The truth is I wasn’t waiting for marriage, the opportunity just never presented itself and I just didn’t worry about it.

I chose to focus on me. I chose to focus on school and getting good grades to go to college. I chose to work on myself so that I was comfortable in my own skin. I chose to wait for the right guy to come along that I deserved and who deserved me. I believe that you need to be pretty sure of who you are as a person first before you enter relationship and you can’t really do that as a teenager.

I got a lot crap for waiting so long from some of my friends, my family, even my own mother, but at the end of the day it was my decision to make and today I couldn’t be prouder of that decision.

Because I waited, I ended up finding a really good guy or rather he found me. We have so much in common and we are always laughing and having a good time. He respects me and treats me right. I’m not going to lie we are not the perfect couple and we have had our hiccups and no doubt will have more in the future but that is to be expected in a relationship. I was upfront with him about my lack of experience in the dating world and he was completely understanding of it. He was patient with me when it came to the more intimate matters and that made it easier to make one of the biggest decisions of my life. We could break up tomorrow and I still wouldn’t regret giving up my virginity to him.

Let this be an inspiration to you. Don’t listen to your friends or family or anyone trying to pressure you to date if you are not ready.

IT IS OK TO WAIT.

This is a decision that you have all the power over. I’m so glad I waited to date and lose my virginity till I was 19 (a month or so shy of 20). If I hadn’t of waited I might not be in the relationship I am in now. I could have been in a relationship that I hated. Worst of all, I could have made decisions I regretted.

There is a power in waiting and you never know, you could meet your prince charming all because you made the simple decision to wait and let things happen on their own.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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