It is extremely easy to lose yourself in an eating disorder. It is like the devil on your shoulder, constantly whispering seductively in your ear. It wants you to forget who you are. It wants control. Having an eating disorder is similar to being in a mentally abusive relationship. It lures you in with pretty promises with nothing but hearts and flowers, but soon you realize that those flowers you smelled were poisoned and those hearts he gave you were made out of glass.

Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator

When I came out of treatment I was extremely lost. Running was a huge factor of what I did, and how I identified myself but it quickly became something that made me sick. Coming out of treatment, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know who I was anymore. For years, I had labeled myself as the “runner girl”, but now that I didn’t run anymore, who was I now?

My therapist (yes I have a therapist, you should get one too) told me that I should try to understand myself in different ways. Yes, I was Caitlin the runner, but I was also Caitlin, the girl who loves nature and outdoors and Caitlin, the girl who loves her dog over most of her friends. There was more to me than being the runner girl and there was more to me without my eating disorder.

I decided that there is too much events that happen in your life to describe anyone in just one word. So I created a list of words and phrases that I thought suited me; so here it goes:

I am the girl who at first seems shy, but once you get to know her, will be one of the craziest people you ever meet. I am a thrill seeker, an optimist. I am an adventure, a listener; I am a friend. I am the girl who loves to scream Bruce Springsteen in her car and then get yelled at for playing the music too loud. I am an opportunist, a thinker, a believer, a sinner. I am the girl who can take herself out to dinner; I am independent; I am weird; I am stubborn. I am the girl who rolls her windows down and blast the heat on high; I am free spirited; I am passionate; I am me, and I am happy.

Who are you?