Everyone has something that they define themselves by or someone else defines them by. Some people feel as if they are defined by their disability, their hair, their looks, their smarts, their clumsiness, their clothes, their kindness. It can be any number of things, and it isn’t always just one thing.
We all had that girl in school who was virtually perfect. She had the perfect clothes and hair, she was beautiful, she had the best looking guy in school as her boyfriend, she was popular. It seemed like she had the perfect life. She was known for her perfectness.
What if one day, she got tired of it? What if one day, she cut off all of her hair? People would say, “Oh, you had such beautiful hair, why would you do that?”
What if one day, she stopped doing her makeup? Someone would criticize her or ask if she is OK.
What if just one day, she wanted to be known for something other than her hair or looks?
We as a society tend to label things. We label ourselves more than anything. And we adopt those labels as our identity. I do this more than anyone else I know, probably. I find myself putting on labels that are degrading, covering up labels that could be helpful.
Nice. And then I cover it up with naïve.
Cute. And then I cover it up with fat and ugly.
Caring. And then I cover it up with damaged.
Loved. And then I cover it up with unwanted.
Writer. And then I cover it up with stupid.
Artist. And then I cover it up with inferior.
There are ones that I can’t cover up, though. The negative ones are the ones that are the biggest and stand out the most. I feel like that’s what everyone sees when they look at me. All they see are these labels: tired, fat, ugly, inferior, bald, stupid, naïve, weird, deaf.
There are ones that I hope and pray that everyone sees: Christian, kind, caring, loving, compassionate, beautiful, loved, confident.
Even if I don’t necessarily believe some of the labels that I want everyone to see, that is how I want them to see me. I don’t want someone to see me the way I see me. Because if everyone else saw me the same way, I would be alone. And that is one of the things I fear most: being alone and unloved.
When I started losing my hair when I was young, and when I started gaining weight, and when I started to lose my hearing, I was devastated beyond belief. All of these things made me unpopular, the target of bullying. Kids can be cruel, especially when you’re too scared to stand up for yourself. There were days that I was pushed around in the hallways, slammed into sinks and lockers, pushed in front of buses. These kids told me that I had no reason to be alive. So I put those labels on, too: unworthy, unable, undeserving, worthless.
And then I found something, someone, that made me question all of these labels I had put on myself. Yes, I am unworthy, but in a different way. Yes, I am unable, but in a different way. Yes, I am undeserving, but in a different way. But I am not worthless; I am PRICELESS.
I am unworthy of Jesus Christ’s love and mercy. I am unable to save myself, it’s only through Him. I am undeserving of His sacrifice He made on the cross. But He loves me. And He loves you.
My identity isn’t in these labels or the things that society says makes me worthy or beautiful. My identity is in Jesus Christ alone, and in spreading God’s Word and living MY life in accordance to HIS plan. My identity is helping to lead people to HIS love and mercy, and forgetting about my grievances.
Your identity is not in those labels that you cover yourself with or pick up from the people that throw them at you. Find where your identity really is. Your mistakes and beliefs about yourself do not define you.
