No matter how many times you tell yourself you're ready, you'll never actually be ready to see it happen. No matter how okay you think you're doing, you won't feel that way when you see his first post about her.
It's been a few months and you feel like everything is getting better. You have finally stopped visiting his Facebook page every single day and you hardly ever look at your old Instagram photos anymore. But you happen upon his page and...there it is. The picture that you have been dreading finding. There have been a lot of pictures going around of him - he always takes more pictures when he's single. But this one is not just of him, it has a girl in it. A girl that you know - she is his friend, or at least...she was just a friend when you were together. Now they seem closer...happier together than before. Something is different. You just feel it in your bones.
Then come the cheesy almost poetic lines about her. About how she's always there for him, how she picks him up when he's down...the way her hair falls, the sparkle in her eyes. He talks about her in a way that he never talked about you and the hurt hits you like a ton of bricks. At first you try to brush it off, but the tears start to well up in your eyes before you even know what is happening. This is the moment where the selfish part of you comes out - and you should let it, even if it is just for a moment. Feel angry and hurt and betrayed. Feel replaced and upset that he could ever look at another girl the way that he looked at you. Scream and cry and just lay around in bed wondering how he could go from loving you so intensely to moving on so, so quickly. You are allowed to feel pain over this. It hurts you and you need to acknowledge that.
After all of the tears have made their way down your face and you have screamed as loud as you can, allow yourself to be okay. Yes, this hurts...but it won't hurt forever. He is moving on, he's happier than you have ever seen him. While you hate that you could have never made him that happy, try to feel grateful that she can. The part of you that is hurting is the part of you that still cares about him, and that is the part of you that wants him to be as happy as he can possibly be. So what if it isn't with you? He is allowed to feel happiness without you, and you are going to feel happy again without him.
There is going to be a day when you can see him and not feel that tightness in your chest that only comes from holding back tears. There are going to be endless amounts of days when all you do is smile. You just have to let yourself experience the world again. Let yourself feel happiness again. Do yourself a favor and close your laptop. Get out of bed, wipe away those tears, put on your cutest outfit, and get out there.
