In high school, it’s almost like we’re all on a level playing field. Only a few stragglers fall behind or get very far ahead of everyone else. Within a friend group, it seems like we all do basically the same in school. It’s what I like to call “the points game,” which means you literally do your work to earn the points to get the grade. Yes, tests and quizzes still counted but a majority of your grade depended on your homework and getting it done, which honestly wasn’t asking for a lot.
In high school, talking about grades didn’t seem like a huge deal because we all seemed to be in the same range. But college, that’s different.
Transitioning from high school into college can be one of the first biggest transitions you’ll ever make, especially if you decide to live on campus. You have a new environment, possibly a roommate, maybe a part-time job or maybe even an internship. You’re trying to balance schoolwork and doing well on top of a social life, exercise, work and life in general. It’s a very hard transition and something that takes time to get used to.
When it comes to friends, everyone is different. Your friends in high school might not be your friends in college or they might be. In high school, I had a few very close friends, and I’m now only close with maybe two or three of them. It’s not that I don’t like them, we just drifted away from each other. Something people fail to notice about transitioning into college is how friendship sometimes works. While we’re all on different levels, doing different things to achieve a different degree, sometimes we clash. Talking about grades is suddenly a big no-no and any talk of personal achievement is downright horrible.
But aren’t your friends supposed to be supportive? That’s where things get tough.
Like stated earlier, college transition is different for everyone. Some people are great at balancing work and social life and others are not. Sometimes, people pick either school work or social life and stick to it for a while before they figure things out.
It’s good to have friends you can turn to for help in situations whether they are good or bad. But sometimes, friends can be very unsupportive of your actions and that’s something many people run into. What I’ve learned in college is that talking about your accomplishments isn’t welcomed by all people, especially if those people aren’t accomplishing as much as you are. It never seemed like a big deal to me to say, “hey, I got that job,” or, “hey, I did great on that exam.” However, trying to walk on eggshells around your friends isn’t a good thing to experience.
I’ve given myself a few tips when it comes to situations like this. Try some of these if you’re doing good and want to share it with your friends.
1. Are they truly happy for you?
Sometimes, it seems like friends just want to bring you down. So ask yourself, “do I really need this in my life?”
2. Do you bring it up often?
Limit how often you bring up good things because, for some people, they don’t want to hear it, which is understandable.
3. Are you doing better than them?
To a lot of people, even me, it’s very discouraging to see people doing things I wish I could do. Some friends will be supportive and some won’t.
So this is what it all ultimately comes to: do these people really need to be in your life? Really, ask yourself that, because even if you only bring it up once, they should still be proud of you and nice and kind and welcoming of your accomplishments, especially if you are proud and welcoming of theirs.
College has taught me a lot about how to handle certain situations. But college did not teach me how to deal with doing better than your friends. Regardless of what you want to think, someone in your social circle is doing better than you. Maybe they just don’t talk about it. Maybe they’re scared of what you’ll think. But overall, maybe it just takes more time for you to accomplish what you set out to do. With all things, time is different for everyone. You might not land that job on the first try, you might not do great in that class, but you can.
What I have learned about doing better than your friends is that sometimes, you don’t need those friends who aren’t supportive. Sometimes, you need friends who love you for what you do, who support you through tough times and especially, those who do not judge you because you did good on a hard exam.
