Perfectionist (n): someone who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection.
Each and every perfectionist is different. Their ideas and concepts of what constitutes reaching perfection differ but the goal is always the same; to reach complete perfection, no matter what it is they are doing or what they are trying to achieve. For many of us, being a perfectionist can be seen as a motivational quality, but more often than not, perfectionism tends to leave you feeling less motivated and more like you have failed yourself.
Being a perfectionist, to me, means never feeling a sense of satisfaction with oneself. It means that the bar I set for myself is intentionally unattainable, and that will only lead to failure regardless of how hard I pursue this perfect outcome.
It is no secret that a perfectionist holds his or herself to a high standard. We have this idea of ourselves and what it is we think we need to be, or to act like: to be the very best, to be perfect. But the truth of it is that there is no such thing as perfection. Whatever goal it is we are trying to reach, whatever mindset we have about what is or is not seen as being perfect, is false. The hardest thing to accept as a perfectionist is that perfection does not exist. We are told at a young age that perfection is not a realistic goal to set, but instead to just be ourselves and work hard along the way. Despite this constant phrase teachers or loved ones tell us, we cannot help but to think or feel otherwise because we suffer from a fear of atelophobia, the fear of being imperfect or not enough.
Being a perfectionist is exhausting. Not only are you constantly trying to obtain perfection, but the thought of obtaining it is constantly on your mind. In everything you do, you are wondering; Could you have done it better? Could you have tried harder? What would have happened had you done something differently? You second guess yourself; you wonder what you must do in order to achieve perfection, only to be told it is not something you can achieve. It is not something realistic. But a perfectionist won’t believe you. Whatever you say to them will go without recognition because to us there are only two things you can be: perfect, or a failure.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be motivated. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version of yourself you can possibly be. In fact, both of those things are often encouraged. But when you tell a perfectionist that an A- is something to be proud of, they cannot help but to cringe at the possibility of anything less than the best. The thought of accepting ourselves as anything less than perfect is a concept we struggle to understand. It is not because we do not feel proud of ourselves; it is because good is never good enough. We could reach our ideal perfection and still feel unsatisfied and wanting more. It is a constant struggle of satisfaction with oneself and their achievements.
Perfectionists are constantly changing their mind on what they believe is perfect. That is why I believe being a perfectionist means never feeling satisfied, because once you reach your ideal perfection, you decide that it is not good enough, and you develop a new sense of perfection. It is a never-ending cycle of dissatisfaction, and a continuing motivational quality that forces you to push yourself to be better. Until we learn to accept ourselves as being content with anything less than perfect, the cycle will never stop and it will continue to shape our views of ourselves and our life.
"When you aim for perfection, you discover it is a moving target."
- Geoffrey F. Fisher
