I am just one of the millions of people worldwide that struggle with depression. According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, depression is "a state of feeling sad," but to someone who actually has this illness, it is so much more than just that. I wouldn't necessarily consider sadness to be the main feeling, moreso numbness, guilt and emptiness instead. Like with anything, there are good days and there are bad days and unfortunately with depression, you never really know when they are coming. Some days may even start great and then out of nowhere that happiness is all gone with no real reason at all. After a while you start learning how to cope with it but to be honest, it never really seems to go away.
I was diagnosed with depression about four years ago when I was 14 years old. Throughout this time, I've been put on countless different medications that made me feel as if I was some type of science experiment. I'm not going to say that they're all pointless because they've definitely helped me out, but one day I would love to not have to worry about taking antidepressants every single day for the rest of my life. Whether that will happen or not, I don't know for sure, but what I do know is that I am not going to stop fighting no matter how difficult it may be.
Please don't ask me why I am depressed because more times than not, I really have no idea why I'm feeling the way I do. I most certainly don't want to feel like this all the time and if I knew of a sure-fire way to fix it I would do it in an instant, but unfortunately it doesn't work like that. I don't want to sleep my days away, nor do I want to constantly fight to find the energy to then get out of bed and do something. I don't want to get upset when I don't get invited to do something, yet when I am invited I have no interest in leaving the house or having any type of social interaction. I dont want to cry myself to sleep anymore because of how miserable I am. I don't want to feel alone no matter how many people may be with me. I am sick of this vicious cycle and how frustrated I always become with myself.
This illness, however, does not define me nor anyone who has it. It is a part of us, yes, but in no way, shape or form does that change who we are. The road we travel isn't exactly the easiest for us, but I always remind myself that I have already made it this far and there is nothing stopping me from going all the way. Believe in yourself and try your hardest just to put that little bit of extra motivation in. If you can't it's not the end of the world, you tried and that is all that matters. Just think about how much better you'll feel once you accomplished what you're trying to do; I promise it will be worth it.
I wanted to include a few links to help with people struggling with depression or even just need a little something to brighten their mood. I hate seeing anyone go through difficult times so I would like to do everything I can possibly do to help. Enjoy.
http://thequietplaceproject.com/thequietplace
http://thequietplaceproject.com/thethoughtsroom/
